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money (skit) - ynkeumalice lyrics

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(skit opens on a busy city street corner. the devil is standing with a suitcase covered in advertis*m*nts, wearing a suit and tie, and carrying a sign that reads “free money! sell your soul today!”)

devil: (yelling) free money! sell your soul and get rich quick! who wants to make a deal?

(people on the street look at him skeptically and walk past without stopping)

devil: (to himself) come on, it worked in the old days. what am i doing wrong?

(an unsuspecting person finally approaches)

person: excuse me, what are you selling?

devil: ah, my good friend! i’m offering you thе chance of a lifetime. free monеy! all you have to do is sign this contract and sell me your soul

person: my soul?

devil: yes, just put your john hanc*ck right here and you’ll be rolling in riches before you know it!

(person starts to sign the contract)

devil: (smiling deviously) excellent. another soul for the collection

(suddenly, a pen drops out of the devil’s pocket onto the ground)

person: hey, you dropped your pen
devil: (frantically searching for another pen) no! wait! don’t pick that up!

person: why not?

devil: (panicking) because that pen is…uh… cursed! yes, cursed!

person: cursed?

devil: yes! it’s the pen of eternal d*mnation! anyone who touches it is immediately struck down by a terrible fate!

person: really?

devil: (nodding furiously) yes, really! now get away from that pen before it’s too late!

(person quickly walks away. the devil picks up the pen and looks at it skeptically)

devil: (muttering to himself) curse my absent*mindedness. that was the last pen in my pocket. i really need to start carrying a spare

(the devil picks up his suitcase and stands on the street corner again, sighing)

devil: (to the audience) well, i guess it’s back to the drawing board for me. but mark my

- ynkeumalice lyrics

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