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can't hold all these feels for the life of me - xvnnie lyrics

xvnnie’s old persona: “wolf”
in the style of “goblin” by tyler, the creator

(skit 1)

therapist: so, ms. evans… what’s your full name?
wolf: it’s wolf faithy evans
therapist: and how old are you?
wolf: old enough
therapist: so, tell me some things..

(verse 1)
i missed my mother growing up
she’d just pop pills, and pour it up
it’s f-cking terrible, when there’s not an adult that’s there for you
when your mum is on f-cking pills
and smokes so much
her lungs are black, there’s things she lacks
i try to love her, but she pushes me away
i have asthma attacks
cuz of the smokey cloud stacks
childhood was ruined by beer and vodka
had to take care of my brother
that’s right, j, i watched ya
afraid of our mother, loud music and strong aroma
growing up, 8 years old, we’re 4 years apart
the house was cold, and it was always dark
dammit, lawton, f-ck you, lawton
if we woulda stayed in norman
near the hospital i was born in
maybe things would be normal
and i would feel like a mortal
instead of the demon people see me as
listen, people, i’m far from an -ss
maybe things wouldn’t be like this
all this f-cking bullsh-t, and ignorant as f-ck n-ggas
maybe she wouldn’t be asleep right now
maybe she’d be awake right now
maybe she’d be talking to me right now
in my room, on my bed
actually listening, not pretending
not saying,”mhm,” staring at the texts she be sendin’
i miss her like all the f-ckin’ -ssignments i’m missin’

(skit 2)
therapist: so.. you had mom probs?
wolf: yes
therapist: and where was your father through all of this?
wolf: …
therapist: do you wanna talk about it?

(verse 2)
my daddy wasn’t here, just call him bald
pretty sure he left when i was two, or two feet tall
i can barely remember sh-t from those years tho, i’d rather not
to be honest, that’s all i know
when my favorite uncle died, i moved in with my grandmother cuz i didn’t want her to live alone
little did i know, i’d feel more alone than her, i don’t even feel at home
only when i’m in my bed and i’m crying at night
and i wanna f-cking die and rid myself of this life
but i can’t, cuz that’s selfish, and i doubt i could bring myself to anyways..
but i love her, i’ve been with her since—
(therapist: so you’re suicidal?)
don’t f-cking interrupt me, that’s that sh-t i don’t like
don’t you hate it when “

- xvnnie lyrics

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