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when i'm gone - xénothecreator lyrics

[intro:]
this is my life
in my own words i guess

[verse:]
i lost my n-gg- to a mothaf-ckin pistol
that was a year ago
youth is done and feelings go
suicide’s the way to go
wanted to meet quincy jones
now where the feeling go
now i be feeling low
you ask me why and i don’t know
i need healing i need gauthereau
do y’all know who that is i bet y’all don’t
cuz y’all don’t do meditation
but it don’t really help
i’m tired of the way that i been living
i remember bailing out my father he was in the district
rest in peace to two of my uncles they was in the trenches
rest in peace all my n-gg-s that don’t get no mentions
living how i’m living would make anybody
sad
but i been fighting all my life so it done drove a n-gg- mad
i swear to god
i put a mask on for my friends
and put a mask on for my family
and under both of the masks are pain depression and agony
i’m glad you can see that i’m hurting
i never asked for your help
so can you close the curtains
and go away
i just wanna stay
curled up in my bed
listening to x
but while i’m here i guess i’ll get these f-cking burdens off my chest
lately i been wearing a bullet proof vest on my mind
cuz suicide is only a matter of time
a matter of why and how
let’s get to the bottom now
and dissect this defective cranium
drive me f-cking insane and i hate it
hate that she can still get under my skin
i’m tryna move on but i still got these feelings
but its not love i can tell you that
cuz ik if we both had love then we would take each other back and try again
i can’t pretend
that i wasn’t getting hoes before and after you left
but after the mess i sat and counted the checks
and knew that sh-t was pointless
my momma ain’t had faith in me said i’m a disappointment
but through it all i know she got my back before anybody else
our connection is far greater than anything i’ve felt
so when they put her on that stretcher man i f-cking lost it
my older brother tryna pay the bills like what’s the cost and
my older sister hearing monsters in her head and now she screaming every night
and i can’t help her
i be feeling kinda useless in this life
i hate my school i wanna burn it the ground
cuz ain’t n-body was around for the f-ck sh-t but everyone try to act like
i got some n-gg-s that can’t mothaf-ckin act right and if i
just say the word they gon make you say goodnight
and we all going through it all 6 of us
my auntie on my daddy side i swear i’m f-cking sick of her
when i was sitting in them cuffs that officer said my last name was familiar
this might be the same n-gg- that arrested my familia
but through it all i still be fighting for the chance to have it all
everyone want me to fall
but imma f-cking stand tall
so when i’m gone
i’m gone leave a legacy behind
and my story will forever be imprinted on your mind

- xenothecreator lyrics

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