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decay - xatokai lyrics

[verse 1]
i’m growing up and eroding my body
turned myself into a zombie
k!lling myself my favorite hobby
i’m so disgusting, i got em fussing behind my shoulders
they think i’m a joker, but the jokes on them
i’ve been a smoker
got nuts the size of b*n*rs
i’m the key composer to my downfall
i’m the biggest poser
biggest violence promoter
don’t like exposure so i keep myself isolated
so faded in my bedroom, every single day i’ve been sedated
not obligatеd to cater to all your wants and needs
i smoke so much weed that i don’t care for your opinions
so just listеn to me when i say you people leave me sickened
i’m imprisoned to my bad habits and murdering my own ambitions
i’m so addicted
to self inflicted pain
i don’t see the gains, i let it rain
i guess i love the pain
don’t feel the same, i love the lead chemicals melt my brain
i’m not gonna change and i’m the only one that’s left to blame

[hook]
i can’t believe that i let myself get this bad
i’m on the street with two 40’s and a zigzag
[verse 2]
got brand new forces like i’m trying to get endorsed by nike
i’ve been feeling grimy
my momma saying it’s in my psyche
i’m a hypochondriac and i’m fine with that
think about it so much that i almost had a heart attack
i’m my biggest op, really praying that i drop
i say that i don’t want to
but these drugs, i’m never gonna stop
want myself to flop so bad it’s like i hate my guts
and i’ve been going nuts inside my head
there’s not much else that i’ll discuss
f*f*f*f*ck with me i’ll get physical, make sh*t critical
typical spic behavior, i guess i’m become in cynical
miserable in my mind, i’ve been blind from having a good time
sometimes i wish i never got cut free from the umbilical
i take a break and then go right back into all my old ways
y’know that smoke pays
been trained to stay inside my own lane
only smoke propane, it makes me feel like i got no shame
love to complain
i love to k!ll myself in my own domain

[hook]
i can’t believe that i let myself get this bad
i can’t believe that i let myself get this bad
[verse 3]
dying, come back to life
a time on my sh*tty sofa
then go out to make some bread to go eat lobster in nova scotia
everyday i feel like i just wanna put a fork in my toaster
i’m getting closer to the edge
but i will not fall down now
visions of failing there’s no real in supporting me
absorbing multiple substances, my lungs have been short of me
think i love distorting my vision and thinking there’s more to me
and not actually pursuing any of my thoughts that come to pass
i won’t finish last but if i do
i know i tried my hardest
farthest from holding a grudge but also farthest from the smartest
always doing stupid sh*t like cutting my supportive harness
i think i’m the darkest when i sit back and enjoy my nightmares
i’m not scared, i love it

[outro]
i can’t believe that i let myself get this bad

- xatokai lyrics

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