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depression - x (random) lyrics

yo, a brief summary of me, i’m a 20 year-old rapper from dallas, texas. i’m interested in makin’ a name in this rap
game and i think i meet the requirements as a professional song writer. but don’t just take my word for it, i will
release the lyrics of the songs for my first album here. i would like to note that the t-tle of my first album probably
will be “prologue: my struggle”. for the record i already have my next 2 albums pre-written and basically my second
album contains lots of material like said and done, destroy you, and ready for war as well as writer’s block and
my struggle and depression related subject matter. i believe my 2nd album will make my first album seem forgettable tbh
i have so much material that i think is really good but i’ll let you determine a conclusion by viewing to lyrics to
my songs from my first album. i havn’t released the songs. so yeah, i basically want to make a name on this sight and perpetuate
my career to success by providing samples of my potential to depict myself as an auspicious prospect in this sport
so yeah, enjoy!

-i regret bein’ born livin’ every day of my life under constant pressure ‘n fears,-
constantly reminded of my every wasted effort ‘n tears,-
growin’ up i was the one people would never endear,-
they say if you die you go to a better place well that must be true ’cause any place would be better than here,-

should i live or die which answer is right i don’t know how too decide,-
’cause i wanna enjoy life but at the same time i hate it and i wanna commit suicide,-

i cry out in pain but it seems to me like i’m just wastin’ breathe,-
there’s a sweet sensation on my tongue right now i think i’m tastin’ death,-

-i’ve lost the will to live anymore,- /will to live see…still forgive me/
i’ve apologized god what havn’t you still forgiven me for?,-

i sincerely apologize for my actions ‘n these evil principles i believe in father,-
it’s just that i seek your blessings and -ssistance but you won’t even bother,-
to respond ‘n i wonder why,-’cause all i f-ckin’ want is one reply,-

but now i’ve become pessimistic and paranoid ’cause nothin’ good ever occurs to me,-
like writer’s block my life only gets worse like i’m cursed and i struggle through adversity
it’s like my life’s goin’ down a hill that only gets steeper,- /i’m fallin’ in a pit/
and right now i’m knee deep in stress and i’m only sinkin’ deeper,-/i’m fallin’ into it/

sometimes i think life would be easier if i just die,-
but inside i tenaciously hold a grudge ‘n cling to life like i must try

‘n the pain i endure is makin’ me stronger,-
but in contrast i feel so weak like i can’t go on anymore ‘n so i wait to die wonderin’ could death take any longer?-

my life’s a nightmare and i’m always dreamin’,-about better places that i could be in,-
living in a better world with a brighter future but these places only exist when i’m sleepin’-
’cause when i awake the light fades away and the darkness begins to seep in-
and i begin weepin’-in sorrow from the stress that i’m knee deep in,-

life’s like my mother’s cigarette smoke which is k!llin’ me slowly,-
life’s a drug i’ve had more than enough of and i might really o.d,-
sittin’ in the same polluted house so filthy ‘n lonely-
i need a shoulder to cry on but i don’t have a still breathin’ homie-

i feel like i’ve been driven insane,-
constantly livin’ in pain-
i’m sick of this world that i’m livin’ in i don’t fit in,-
i keep tellin’ myself i ain’t givin’ in i won’t quit ‘n-
give up on myself ‘n livin ‘n,-
i try so hard but right now i feel”’like i’m tired of goin’ through this h-ll ‘n givin’ in
…
dealin’ with”’life ‘n the stress ‘n trials,-
watchin’ happy people p-ss me without/that don’t have to deal with”’strife ‘n suppressin’ smiles
…
why must i go through h-ll,-
i constantly cry so you tell-me it’s allright but i want you to just stop with the bullsh-t thinkin’ “i know you well”
…
’cause you don’t know sh-t you just determine conclusions based on how you -ssume ‘n fantasize sh-t,-
tryin’ to manipulate humans to act a certain way usin’ words to influence how will a human -n-lyze it,-
you aren’t my ally,-
i see through your every foul lie,-
always bullsh-ttin’ man i’m so tired of this ‘n,-
i have no desire to listen,-
…
i’ve just decided life is hard so i’m hopin’ death is easy,-
contemplatin’ suicide hopin’ i’ll be reincarnated as somebody more fortunate ’cause right now i don’t even wanna be me
sh-t i hear all this music from whack rappers about their luxurious lives well okay mister fortunate ‘n happy,-
i wonder if you’ll have such a happy death while i slaughter you laughin’ meanwhile i’m workin’ hard ‘n still livin’ bummy man this sh-t’s so disproportionate ‘n cr-ppy,-
…
these emotions consume me daily ‘n it even gets to the point where i go insane ‘n i cry,-
cuttin’ myself hopin’ i’ll relieve the growin’ pain ‘n i die,- the/my
hopeful i attempt to remain ‘n i try,-
but i keep doubtin””life is so painful i think of takin’ an entire bottle of paink!llers in hopes it’ll k!ll me,-
let the hospital heal me,-
‘n i write this song in hopes that those at the bottom ‘n the middle feel me,-
for those creatures that relate to it,-
i’m not emulatin’ anyone else’s style ‘n how they do it,-

i try to convince myself that i’m remainin’ ‘n stayin’ real,-
but my confidence just keeps drainin’ ‘n swayin’ still,-

-i feel so inferior and inadequate,-
i’m dealin’ with too much stress ‘n all this bullsh-t i go through continues to add to it,-
my voice is so ho-rs- from screaming i wish i had an advocate-
’cause right now i want so bad to quit,-
i need someone to support me but i’m so mad ‘n sh-t-
i get sad ‘n sit-in a room alone thrashin’ while i have a fit,-
slowly fading away falling into a bottomless blackened pit,-
i groan in growin’ agony,-
while i moan ‘n mope in tragedy
i’m tired of sittin’ in my room feelin’ like sh-t while these other people walk past me happily,-
meanwhile my mental state is deterioratin’ rapidly,-
and as i breakdown with a gun in hand i wonder if this is how it had to be,-
i’m sorry father but it’s not my fault please don’t be mad at me,-
it’s your fault i was put here in this time ‘n place ‘n regard life with scorn ‘n apathy,-
and the environment which i was born in tragically(tragicly),-
livin’ life without fortune cr-ppily,-
sufferin’ from excruciatin’ pain while i mourn in agony,-

i guess this sh-t we call life is supposed to be sad ‘n rough,-
but i refuse to take it anymore i’ve had enough,-

(not sure i’ma add this part)
-bridge-
i don’t care anymoreeeee,-i’m so done with this sh-t-i’m so tired of it-
i just wanna quit
-i’m gettin’ boredddddd,-i don’t understand what it is i’m livin’ forrrrrr,-
anymoreeeeee,-
tryin’ to figure out my purpose for livin’ while contemplatin’ solely why ‘n cryin’,-
i’m attemptin’ to supress the anger while i’m strugglin’ with the hate ‘n slowly dyin’ tryin’,-
to act happy but i’m done no more pretendin’ i’m fine ‘n lyin’,-
i need helpppppp,-i can’t do this myselffffff
i need helpppppp,-but i guess i gotta do this on my own,-…
i’m all aloneeeee,-woahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,-

this feeling, what is it?-whatever it is i can’t deal with this sh-t,-
this feeling, what is it? i hate it,-
i’m tryin’ to find the words to explain it,-but how do i say it?-

it’s when you feel like puttin’ up with life isn’t worth it,-
it’s when you feel so worthless like you’re sh-t
it’s when you feel so mopey ‘n alone,-
like your existence is insignificant and noone cares about you you’re lonely ‘n unknown,-
it’s when you feel like noone around you understands you,-
it’s when all you do is focus on the things that you can’t do,-
it’s when nothin’ in your life is goin’ right,-
and everything goes wrong that you’re hopin’ might-
work out good but turns out broke in spite
it’s when your life seems so hopeless you quit livin’ hopin’,-
it’s when your life’s so fragile it could fall apart at any given moment,-
it’s when you let your””woes succ-mb to slumps,-
you’re alone on the road of life and you don’t know which way to go-and there’s noone to follow-or show-
you the way to go-so-you go-off alone-on your own but you can’t””overcome the bumps
it’s when you just wanna get to the end but don’t know where to beegin makin’ a start,-
it’s when you feel like you feel like someone’s freakin’ breakin’ ya heart-
it’s when you feel like you’re bein’ taken apart,-
it’s when you feel let down ‘n be’trayed,-
it’s when you feel like you’re dyin’ and just wanna be saved,-
it’s when you’re tired of life ‘n only wanna cry,-
it’s when you wake up each day expectin’ the worse hopin’ you’re gonna die
…it’s when you feel sick ‘n have too much pent up frustration and aggression,-
‘n it’s hard to express ‘n-stress it in an expression-so you’re always stressin’,-
‘n just when you think you’re startin’ to get better you begin regressin’,-
back into that aggression,-it’s depression

- x random lyrics

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