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33 - wolves of glendale lyrics

[verse 1: ethan edenburg, tom mcgovern, ethan edenburg & tom mcgovern]
i can beat every level in mario
i can make you scrambled eggs
i can quote every line in jumanji
i can open the fridge with my legs
i know how to go to the grocery store
without using gps
i learned how to juggle on youtube
but there’s something i gotta get off my chest

[pre*chorus: tom mcgovern, ethan edenburg]
i don’t know how to do my taxes
i stash my cash in a mattress
don’t know how to change a tire
that’s why i take the bus

i don’t know how to use a drill
i gotta ask my neighbor phil
to help me hang a picture
’cause i’m stupid and i suck

[chorus: tom mcgovern with ethan edenburg & eric jackowitz]
i could learn all of these sk!lls
but i doubt i ever will
my dad is ashamed of me
’cause i just turned 33
[verse 2: ethan edenburg, tom mcgovern, ethan edenburg & tom mcgovern]
i can nap pretty much whenever
i can cook a burger well*done
i can make my eyes roll to the back of my head
i can make my tongue look like a hot dog bun
i know how to put two holes in an apple
and smoke it like a bong
i can chug a can of sprite in a minute
and then carve that can into a bong

[pre*chorus: tom mcgovern, ethan edenburg]
but i can’t spell “restaurant”
i know it starts with r
and i know it ends with t
the middle is a mystery

i don’t know how to make a pasta sauce
i mostly use ketchup
it’s still tomato*based
get off my friggin’ case

[chorus: tom mcgovern with ethan edenburg & eric jackowitz]
i could learn all of this sh*t
but every time i try, i quit
my mom is ashamed of me
’cause i just turned 33
[bridge: tom mcgovern with ethan edenburg & eric jackowitz]
when albert einstein was 26
he discovered relativity
and when i was 26, i chugged some
vodka through my b*tt at a party
when greta thunberg was 17
she was nominated for a n0bel peace prize
when i was 17, i got
shot in the d*ck playing paintball

when michael jordan was 24
he won the mvp award
and when i was 24, i took mushrooms
when oprah winfrey was 32
she changed television forever
when i was 32 i asked my father for a hundred dollars

and he said
no
not again, not*a not again, not again
no
not again, not*a not again, not again

[breakdown: tom mcgovern, ethan edenburg, & eric jackowitz, ethan edenburg]
i, i suck
i, i suck (i suck at stuff)
i, i suck (i suck at stuff)
i, i suck (i f*cking suck)
[pre*chorus: tom mcgovern & ethan jackowitz, ethan edenburg]
i suck, i suck, i suck at stuff
i suck, i suck, at stuff
i suck, i suck, i suck at stuff (i suck, i suck, i suck)
i suck, i suck (i f*cking suck, i suck)

[chorus: tom mcgovern with ethan edenburg & eric jackowitz, ethan edenburg]
i could learn all of these sk!lls (i f*cking suck so much)
but i doubt i ever will (i f*cking suck)
my uncle’s shamed of me
’cause i just turned 33
and i suck

- wolves of glendale lyrics

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