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horace’s aborted rip-off scheme - wigwam (fin) lyrics

[verse 1]
an operator by the name of horace
made a deal with jake ‘n boris
’bout how the flop*house that they ran just had to go
so they planned to have an accident
pick up the thirty three percent
and retire somewhere out of the snow

they’d figured that the bigger
the policy the better
so sent a letter to the company in the know
underestimating the endurance
of the insurance agents from outta town
who’d got their man and throw ’em in the clink

[chorus 1]
for the great insurance shake*down rip*off
the faked*up break*off make*off slip*off scheme

[verse 2]
they thought they’d have a fire
endeavored to acquire
the utensils necessary for the show
bought blow*lamps, pumps and matches
fire*lighter sticks in batches
and retired to the woods with all in tow
they’d calculated that the smaller
the fuss they made the all the more
chance they had of pulling off the stunt
underestimatin’ the endurance
of the insurance agents outta town
who always liked their money up front for stopping

[chorus 2]
the great insurance shake*down rip*off
the faked*up make*off break*off slip*off scheme

[bridge]
thought they’d take a dreamboat journey
to malaysia or easter island
teach those natives something useful
diggin’ holes with style and status

the scheme wasn’t perfect
but it didn’t seem too bad
it had a good chance of working
and it was the best one they had

[chorus 3]
the great insurance shake*down rip*off
the staked*out faked*up take*all chip*off
the faked*up make*off make*up slip*off scheme
[verse 3]
but the night before the accident
horace had a premonition
of the condition he’d be in after an arrest
well, boris would double*cross him
and make off with the dough and toss him
into a pit of crocodiles and foul pest (aaghh!)

and he’d be chained down in a cell
up the hallway from h*ll and
be subject to crudities to a strained degree
and the investors they would stone him
and that jake, he would phone him
and inform him that it wouldn’t work anyway, forget it

[chorus 4]
the great insurance shake*down rip*off
the baked*up make*off break*off slip*off scheme

- wigwam fin lyrics

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