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conscious - weirdoe lyrics

[part 1]
oh wow, what a battle
tryna find the root of my happiness
doubts disappeared, kinda glad though
tryna figure out whether i’m angry or p-ssionate
like, can somebody help me – i can’t breathe? (i can’t breathe)
suffocating in my silence
i just hold it all in, screw the bottle up
and i wonder why it comes out sounding violent but
i blame me, me, me, this is my fault (i’m sorry)
too much shock blew my fuse like a light-bulb
to the point where i don’t even know what i’m thinking anymore
lived the last couple years with my eyes closed
i swear
it feels like either i’m getting bigger or this room’s getting smaller
i pray they don’t leave me alone with my thoughts
that’d be torture
i need to listen to that voice in my head that says:
“wow, wow, wow, you can’t crumble under pressure now
pull yourself together man, things are getting better, watch
you can just remember that i told you you’ll be better off”
i thought i’d recognise the voice but
it sounded too distant in my mind
like i hadn’t heard that sh-t in time
crying ’cause i missed it, it’s crazy
feeling like the voice weren’t even mine
shivers down my spine
i tell myself i gotta eat
can’t be mentally strong if i’m physically weak
it’s like i landed on my face tryna find my feet
i swear i seen this sh-t before, my life on repeat
paradox
my chest tightens
never sure if i’m excited or i’m frightened
already know these smoke clouds got no silver linings but
i try numb myself ’til i forget why we’re fighting
it’s sad, right? it’s what they tell me
they say, burying your head isn’t healthy
then they tell me that the answer’s at the bottom of the bottle
but the only thing that ever brought me was trouble
so no thanks
yeah i said “no thanks”
that sh-t’s done enough damage
i wish you could see it yourself

[part 2]
it’s frustrating sitting at this desk
but i gotta focus on the task
one half of my brain telling me i need rest
the other half telling me: “you gotta concentrate
come on blud, you ain’t wrote a song today
better pick your pace up
you’re getting outdone by what’s-his-face
oh sh-t, not again
your phone says it’s three thirty seven am
that means you’ve been sat for four hours with your pad and your pen
and these lyrics that you wrote still don’t make any sense
that’s pathetic
come on, weir, remember what you dreamt
you don’t get the credit for attempts
and they don’t see your hard work
they just want the product at the end
don’t get upset, well and truly i’m your only friend
they don’t care ’bout you, all these smiles are just pretend
they just lie through their t–th ’cause they wanna make amends so
if you actually succeed
they can always say they was there through the whole thing
but don’t be fooled by that bullsh-t i swear
just remember once upon a time they didn’t even care
and that’s the truth of it
and that’s the f-cking truth of it
so you better wake your f-cking -rs- up and keep writing”

- weirdoe lyrics

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