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wordless broken - we are only human once lyrics

there’s nothing left for me in this world that i don’t know
this room is all i have, i don’t even trust my home
these feelings are so one dimensional it seems
the only place that i feel free is in my dreams

i’ll die at 20, i don’t wanna live too long
these strings are all i had, and you know that they’re long gone
i’ll buy myself some string, but it’s not for my guitar
i’ll hang up on the tree with my all so broken heart

i know that you wanna see me flourish in my
breathing body, but i’ve become malnourished and i
swore to god and i swore to you that these thoughts i have would not come true
but i lied to god and i lied to you because this life that i have lived is through

[disgraced to think how past experiences can manipulate me into thinking that all is lost, i’m 17 and i feel like i’m 97 laying on my deathbed]

[all my life i’ve been told that, uh, if nothing changes, i can just k!ll myself at 20 to spare my, uh, self from the downward spiral of getting older. would i be able to handle the pressures brought onto me by society? would i meet the standards society set for me in order to be a functioning human being? would i meet the requirements to be a loving spouse? or am i just going to live my life all all worried about the future?]

[as i get closer and closer to 20 years old, i get more and more anxious that nothing is going to work out. if you told me when i was 15 that i was going to see christmas two years from then, i’d call you absolutely insane. i keep telling myself i just need to give it another year. things will be different if i just give it another year, and that’s not a good way to live. as a matter of fact, that’s a horrendous way to live and i’m wasting my prime years. i’ll never be able to be 16 again, and when i’m 18 i’ll never be able to be 17 again.]

[i wasted my entirety of 2017 and 2018 trying to get over my absolutely horrendous ex-boyfriend that i was only with for half a year. i wasted nearly two years trying to get over someone who only took up a blink of my life. i’m so angry at myself for that, and i’m so angry at myself for letting my life interfere for what, where i’ll exactly be in a year from now. i’m so angry at myself for not taking advantage of the amazing opportunities i have.]

[the f-ck?]

- we are only human once lyrics

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