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the u.s.s. make shit up (bitrektual version) - voltaire lyrics

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well, i was stranded on a planet, just me and spock
we met a nasty nazi alien, he locked our -sses up
we found a hunk of crystal and a metal piece of bed
we made a laser phaser gun and shot him in the head!

well, i was standing on the bridge when sulu came to me
his eyes were full of tears, he said, “captain, can’t you see?
the ship is gonna blow, do something, i beseech!”
i grabbed a tribble and some chewing gum and stopped the warp core breach

and i said,
bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
that’s the way we do things, lad, we’re making sh-t up as we wish
the klingons and the romulans they pose no threat to us
’cause if we find we’re in a bind we just make some sh-t up

i know he’s just a child, and most think him a twit
but wesley is the master when it comes to making up some sh-t
he’s the guy you want with you when you go out in sp-ce
just tell him: “shut up, wesley,” if he gets in your face

and if you’re at a party on the starship enterprise
and the karaoke player just plain old up and dies
set up a neutrino field inside a can of peas
hold on to geordi’s visor and sing into data’s knees

and i said
bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
that’s the way we do things, lad, we’re making sh-t up as we wish
the klingons and the romulans they pose no threat to us
’cause if we find we’re in a bind we just make some sh-t up

sisko’s on a mission to go no bl–dy place
he loiters on a sp-ce station above bajoran sp-ce
the wormhole opened up and now they come from near and far
we’ll keep the booze but please send back the f-cking jem-hadar

and what is with the klingons? remember, in the day,
they looked like puerto ricans and they dressed in gold lamé
now they look like heavy metal rockers from the dead
with leather pants and frizzy hair and lobsters on their heads

and i said
bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
that’s the way we do things, lad, we’re making sh-t up as we wish
the klingons and the romulans, they pose no threat to us
’cause if we find we’re in a bind we just make some sh-t up

well, i was stuck on voyager, pounding on the door
when suddenly it dawned on me i’ve seen this show before
perhaps i’m in a warp bubble slightly out of phase
’cause it was way back in the sixties when they called it “lost in space”

we were looking for a way to make the ratings soar
so we orchestrated an encounter with the borg
normally you’d think that that would get us into sh-t
but this one has a smashing -ss and a lovely set of t-ts

and i said
bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
that’s the way we do things lad, we’re making sh-t up as we wish
the klingons and the romulans pose no threat to us
’cause if we find we’re in a bind we’ll just make some sh-t up

well then they got a new show
and it’s called enterprise
and it takes place a hundred years
before kirk was alive
they say that it’s a prequel
or so that’s what it’s called
it’s such a bad idea you’d swear that lucas was involved

they have a vulcan female
but she’s a nervous wreck
her -ss is sweet as seven’s only green
so what the heck
they’re in the past but klingons have those lobsters on their heads
i’m more confused than wesley crusher nude in tasha’s bed

and i say
bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
that’s the way we do things lad, we’re making sh-t up as we wish
the klingons and the romulans they pose no threat to us
’cause if we find we’re in a bind we just make some sh-t up

[bonus verse]
well it would seem a big wig up at paramount
must have felt the franchise was stale by all accounts
cause he hired j. j. abrams to give the thing a shove
i feared that he would mock and mangle everything i love

well i went to the movie and there much to my shock
there were hunky models playing kirk and spock
vulcan’s been destroyed and the timeline has been crushed
so someone tell me why i love this film so f-cking much

and i said
bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish
that’s the way we do things lad, we’re making sh-t up as we wish
the klingons and the romulans they pose no threat to us
’cause if we find we’re in a bind –we’re totally screwed but never mind–
we’ll pull something out of our behinds
what does god need with a starship?
we just make some sh-t up

- voltaire lyrics

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