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ballad of freda & barry (let's do it) - victoria wood lyrics

[intro]
freda and barry sat one night
the sky was clear, the stars were bright
the wind was soft
the moon was up
freda drained her cocoa cup

she l!cked her lips, she felt sublime
she switched off gardener’s question time
barry cringed in fear and dread
as freda grabbed his tie and said:

[verse 1]
let’s do it, let’s do it, do it while the mood is right
i’m feeling
appealing
i’ve really got an appetite
i’m on fire
with desire
i could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight

[verse 2]
but he said:
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
i don’t believe in too much s*x
this fashion
for passion
turns us into nervous wrecks
no derision
my decision:
i’d rather watch the spinners on the television
i can’t do it, i can’t do it tonight
[verse 3]
so she said:
let’s do it, let’s do it
do it till our hearts go boom
go native
creative
living in the living room
this folly
is jolly
bend me backwards on me hostess trolley
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight

[verse 4]
but he said:
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
my heavy*breathing days have gone
i’m older
feel colder
it’s other things that turn me on
i’m imploring
i’m boring
let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring
i can’t do it, i can’t do it tonight

[verse 5]
so she said:
let’s do it, let’s do it
have a crazy night of love
i’ll strip bare
i’ll just wear
stilettos and an oven glove
don’t starve a girl of a palaver
dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight
[verse 6]
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
i know i’ll only get it wrong
don’t angle
for me to dangle
my arms have never been that strong
stop pouting
stop shouting
you know i pulled a muscle when i did that grouting
i can’t do it, i can’t do it tonight

[verse 7]
let’s do it, let’s do it
share a night of wild romance!
frenetic
poetic
this could be your last big chance
to quote milton
to eat stilton
to roll in g*y abandon on the tufted wilton
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!

[verse 8]
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
i’ve got other little jobs on hand
don’t grouse
around the house
i’ve got a busy evening planned
stop nagging
i’m flagging
you know as well as i do that the pipes want lagging
i can’t do it, i can’t do it tonight
[verse 9]
let’s do it, let’s do it
while i’m really in the mood
three cheers
it’s years
since i caught you even semi*nude
get drastic
gymnastic
wear your baggy y*fronts with the loose elastic but
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight

[verse 10]
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
i must refuse to get undressed
i feel silly
it’s too chilly
to go without my thermal vest
don’t choose me
don’t use me
my mother sent a note to say you must excuse me
i can’t do it, i can’t do it tonight

[verse 11]
let’s do it, let’s do it
i really absolutely must
i won’t exempt you
want to temp you
want to drive you mad with l*st
no cautions
just contortions
smear an avocado on me lower portions
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!

[verse 12]
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
it’s really not my cup of tea
i’m harassed
embarrassed
i wish you hadn’t picked on me
no dramas
give me my pajamas
the only girl i’m mad about is judith chalmers
i can’t do it, can’t do it tonight

[verse 13]
let’s do it, let’s do it, i really want to run amok
let’s wiggle
let’s jiggle
let’s really make the rafters rock
be mighty
be flighty
come and melt the b*ttons on me flame*proof nightie
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!

[verse 14]
let’s do it, let’s do it, i really want to rant and rave
let’s go
‘cos i know
just how you want to behave
not bleakly
not meekly
beat me on the bottom with the ‘woman’s weekly’
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight

- victoria wood lyrics

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