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an orphic ordeal - victor primavesi lyrics

i can see and i can hear…
am i past the inferno or is it near?
what’s that noise?
i can tell there’s a riot in every cell
for how long will i lie here before i will disappear?
am i gone or on my way?
i’m still where i never meant to stay

from the familiar i am estranged
what is real?
and what has changed?
a sour taste on my dry lips
a burning fire in my finger tips
i can’t breathe
i can’t make a sound
my knees give in
i kiss the ground
there is nothing feathery to how gravity summons me
six feet above and overpowered
i woke up from my final hour
dug my hole too deep
i guess i tried
i am tall but too small inside
how can i make this right?
how can i stand upright?
with a secret that buries me deeper than i’d longed to be

i had l!cked and sealed every envelope
wishes to loved ones full of hope
a solemn greeting from beyond the grave
blood*stained last words i had saved
i burnt all of them but i could not erase the act itself
it did not incinerate
how do you announce, how do you to say:
“hey, i am almost died, by the way”

six feet above and overpowered
i woke up from my final hour
dug my hole too deep
i guess i tried
i am tall but too small inside
how can i make this right?
how can i stand upright?
with a secret that buries me deeper than i’d longed to be
i never mentioned it to another soul
pretended it never happened
but it had happened
and that is why every day since felt like a lie
(i thought i could forget)
“actually, i’m doing quite all right”
“well… you know what it’s like”
(what am i still doing here?)
i swallowed every subordinate clause
i had no strength to plead my cause
(i had made my peace with the past)

- victor primavesi lyrics

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