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socal, whatever - ut kirin lyrics

it was constant in la
punk shows whenever
drinks like a sailor
socal, whatever you like
those were the years when we
were having the hardest of times
why do i miss them the most?
want to go back to that house
want to play host to a house show
a band from toronto
stayed five to a room
had two eps and no label
had nothing better to do
threw broken glass at the moon
well i puked all over my room
i swore i’d never be
hungover again
and i would get better friеnds
no drinks beyond 10 pm
could not get through the nеxt weekend
and i’m weak as a femur
snapped clean at the preakness
while those setting sun hedonists
call to me from the beaches

it was a slog
i looked at charts
i took a shot out in the dark
got myself started on a project to stop
getting thrown out of the bars
and got into dartmouth for a phd in sociology
i burned the tattoos off my forearms
and hurried to the library
and the sky became darker much earlier
than i had remembered
from back out in glendale
with ice in my lashes
coming home to a
cold stone masonry dorm room
i stop and close my eyes on the doorstep
feel the sun of pasadena
and the sound of a bass amp
in a burned out theater comes
drifting through the walls of a lecture
as i’m running my fingers
on the anicient initials carved into the maple
the kid in hardcore bands
that i was then won’t understand
cause flying to lax and back again
was never supposed to mean something
to me
and that grass isn’t green
it’s the goldenrod sepia of a sun*flecked daydream
here is the place where you found out what old was
this is the state where you learned what alone does

i watched the years turn
2010, 2012
accumulated wealth
and kept an eye on my health
kept the grass clipped biweekly
collected books on the shelf
while out in socal
fentanyl took first my drummer
and then my brother
so i flew out
and at the funeral, the punks looked gravely older
and they wore suits but underneath
they still had sleeves up to their shoulders
forgotten soldiers in a war
in which they fought for themselves
against some adolescent trauma
they couldn’t see or dispel
the axis across which we each hit thirty*five
sees one of us in the ground
the other distant but alive
within these new england clothes
i look impenetrable
i’d like to be there with you
but i’ve worked too hard on myself
to cry in the grass
while they scatter his ashes
and ask why it happened
and think of the past
when we skipped all our classes
to go to band practices
fame was inevitable
just reach out and grasp it

- ut kirin lyrics

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