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doubts portrait - tyse nett lyrics

[intro: tyse nett]
i sometimes think about all the time i spend on writing and producing these songs
but why do i dedicate my life and risk pretty much everything on a dream that might not even happen ya know?
umm
sometimes it gets pretty heavy
i’m often torn between like am i a unique artist or am i just like every other rapper trying to make it, right?

[verse 1]
i’m losing myself to be something pretentious (yeah)
it’s pretty sad cuz start to care about numbers way more thеn my friendships
i sorta regret it
my nеck has been hurting cuz i keep my head up
i am a mess
that’s why go out in public and start to play dress up
give me my mask
i gotta go cover my stresses
i don’t experience a spiritual feeling
by hearing a reading
all my material weakens
i’m not afraid to be honest about my religion. my fear is to leave it
there is apart of me seriously stuck in the deep end
my heart isn’t beating
the moment i stop writing lyrics with meanings
the moment you notice i’m not even breathing. (shhhhh)
why do i want you to like me?
why aren’t they seeing what i see?
why don’t i shut up for once with the rhyming? (hugh)
no one is standing behind me
some days i just wanna cry
some days i get really tired
my mind is a place where i’m caught up inside it
always deciding
and trying to figure out ways to be doing the right things

[verse 2]
i get offended
i won’t pretend..
gimme a second
i need a breath
i look around
there’s n0body left
i built a career but ignored all my friends
who will i have when everything ends?
im pushing b*ttons i promised i never would press
every decision i make is a step
either one way or another
i lay in my bed
tossing and turning
with negative thoughts in my head and i think about all of the things i regret
doesn’t it bug you when family starts
asking if you are depressed?
mommy and daddy won’t get it
but when i grow up i’ll be…
i’ll be a rapper
isn’t that kinda pathetic? (yeah)

[verse 3]
what if i make it?
what if they say i’m the greatest?
maybe like millions of people will know what my name is?!
probably not
sometimes i think
enough is enough…
i gotta stop
go back to school
look at offers
study for years
maybe i’ll look a bit smarter
get a good job
make a few dollars
marry a girl
be a good father. (alright)
then imma look at my son or my daughter and tell em to follow their dreams
don’t ever be like your dad..
yeah cuz he stood up and left when his dream got a little bit harder!
i’m getting lost

[verse 4]
every doubt is a portrait
i am the artist!
i need ta
i need to find who i am
gather my goals
pick up a mic
rap at a show
then i’ll go find
what matters the most
i’ll be alright
i have to go cuz if i never leave
then i’ll feel way incompatible
look it
i play in the battle zone
people don’t have to know when i am sad or the minute my happiness goes!
guess i’m an artist that people will barely listen to
all of my songs are very intentional
i’m not a stereotypical rapper
we’re not even similar
i’m sick of rapping about all the positive things that you wanted to hear
why don’t you close all your mouths and open your ears
i’ll probably end up a failure..
that’s what i think of my music career!

[verse 5]
“tyse why don’t you write something happy?
why are you always so angry?”
they don’t believe for a second that i can be sad…
that is the sad thing
ya know
you’re actually right
i’m always acting
that’s pretty silly of me…
what am i doing?
look at this music
isn’t it stupid?
i think the truth is..
i’m pretty much all of the things you’re assuming
chasing my dreams?
that’s a mistake
hey, i’m only human..
yea this rap thing is fun but still this is a waste
i don’t make a penny’s off anything
i got some bills…that need to be paid
will… everything change?

[verse 6]
i never know what i’m capable of
i see my negative thoughts and my doubts as a beautiful painting
i’m sorta scared i could mess it all up
but i am the artist
there’s nothing that i couldn’t fix with a brush
my effort has always been put into lifting the heaviest stuff…
but the weight that i carry has never been heavy enough!
what if i did told me i couldn’t?
what if i’m pushed to my limits and then keep on going
so they would start looking?
maybe there’s no other way i can put this
i’ll give you the proof
that i’m actually good enough
look at me now
i’m sick of the bullies
enough of the pushing
it’s time that i finally stood up and started believing in dreams…

[outro]
my doubt is a portrait
don’t even touch it
it’s very important
i’ve had it for years
it gives me a story to tell..
i’ll never sell it
i think it’s elegant
ever since i started writing
it gave me a special connection
it’s not just a painting
it’s something i’ll never let go
it’s something i’ll never let go

- tyse nett lyrics

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