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the pensioner's complaint - tony rose lyrics

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ye neighbours all listen, a story i’ll tell
’tis of a misfortune that has me befell:
for i married a wife and her name it was nell
she is always a-scolding and bawling

oh, it’s eighteen pounds pension i’ve got in a year
which causes my wife to drink whiskey and beer
her tongue like a cannon doth sound in my ear
before the daylight in the morning

to kindle the fire it is my first job
if i don’t do it right i’ve a belt on the gob;
a kick or a clout or a slap on the n0b
i surely will get from my darling

and it’s out for the water the kettle to boil
and when i comes in i must nurse the young child;
now i wish i had been k!ll’d on the banks of the nile
before i had met with my darling

for it’s nell and her gossips sit down for their tea
whilst i in the corner have nothing to say;
or it’s out in the garden a-digging away
and nelly the cups she is tossing

oh it’s in for their leavings i chance for to hop
whilst nell and her gossips are gone to the shop
backbiting their neighbours and swallowing their drops
hard fortune attend on my darling!

for my shirt without washing doth stick to my back;
she is a-sporting with billy or jack
or running up scores for every nick-knack
and i must pay out the last farthing

i’m without shoe or stocking to cover my feet
my bed is without either blanket or sheet
i’m a show to the world when i go in the street
well, what do you think of my bargain?

now her beauty and praise i mean to disclose
she’s dirty and fat with a long runny nose
a disgrace to the women wherever she goes
and her clothes all in tatters are hanging

she’s a beard on her lip, like a wandering jew
not a tooth in her head that is sound, only two
and the shift on her back neither black, white nor blue
why, it never was wet with the washing

i’ve travelled all nations, through france and through spain
through egypt and india and back home again
and at waterloo wounded where i felt great pain
but i ne’er met the match of my darling

so to finish my ditty, i formally pray
before she drinks any more whiskey or tea
that something or other may whip her away
before the daylight in the morning

- tony rose lyrics

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