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humility tower - tony goldmark lyrics

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[verse 1]
she was only fourteen when her song hit the charts
about how she gets off when she breaks losers’ hearts

a sl!ck power ballad with fiddle strapped on
they filed it as country and contracts were drawn

she was humble and small*town and s*xy as h*ll
just the right combination to sell

she sold t*shirts and wife beaters, shotguns and bibles and kegs
all with pictures of her with crossed legs
while the poor folk kept rackin’ up debt
she would swim through their cash every night in hеr jet

[chorus]
smilin’ and gigglin’ and winkin’ and prayin’
sayin’ “i’m just like you” as she drank hеr champagne
in her oversized mansion like charles foster kane
far above all the crops and the flowers
set up shop on the top of humility tower

[verse 2]
but despite her success, critics panned her cd
they called her work country without the “ry”

when she learned what that meant, well she burst into tears
but her manager/dad said “tears are for queers

now the next time some fool tries to tell you you’re nuts
just remember that christ hates their guts

satan’s got nothin’ better to do than to make you feel sad.”
then she kissed him and whispered, “thanks dad.”

no one missed her mom more than he did
but he saw his ex*wife in his young, wealthy kid
[chorus]
so sharing a love that dare not speak its name
they had dozens of children with half of a brain
who got kicked out of more schools than charles foster kane
and a few of ’em drowned in the shower
falling down to the ground from humility tower

[verse 3]
one day while screaming at her maids again
she took a bottle of her closest friend

drank a shot and then thought
“hey, i’m bored so why not run for governor?”
(she knew the people loved her)

she ran practically unopposed
and even then she only won by a nose

then she downed a few more shots and took a brief nap and
woke up in the capital, wonderin’ what happened

[verse 4]
“i’m the governor now,” she realized with a smirk
she shrugged both her shoulders and sat down to work

and two minutes later she tried to break loose
but the windows were locked so escape was no use
then a tall handsome white man appeared at her door
with an offer she could not ignore

he was seeking to conquer the world with a girl running mate
she was female and thus it was fate

he had greatness way down in his seed
and he knew she’d be just the v*g*n* he’d need!

[chorus]
and so she set out to quadruple her fame
and she used her old hit song to drive the campaign
yeah, she’s running for office like charles foster kane
not just drunken, but roofied with power
ninety proof from the roof of humility tower

[verse 5]
and then she got her own magazine
she found a photo of herself as a teen

and she pasted that face
on her real face’s place for the cover
(she knew that that would make us love her)

the headline was a work of art
“can she save america” question mark

and as she took it to press, i swear i heard her mumble
“if i make it a question, it’ll make me look humble”

[verse 6]
then a prime*time cartoon went and called her a phony
and words from a cartoon add more acrimony

so she went on the news to express her disgust
“how dare this cartoon make a fool out of us!

and by us i mean me and by me i mean you!
this affects all you motherf*ckers too!

how do you folk expect me to save our poor country someday
with these meddling cartoons in the way?

i may be a barrel of fish with a free gun attached
but i’ll make that an itch too immoral to scratch!”

[chorus]
so now if you slander her poor wretched name
you’ll be worse than al*qaeda and twice as profane
yeah, she’s stifled her subjects like charles foster kane
like a lawnmower stifles a flower
what a wife, what a life on humility

yes, she can cure all diseases and fly with no plane
she’s a solid*gold shotgun that can’t even aim
and she’s got fewer critics than citizen kane
as she smiles, all the while her eyes glower
wave seig heil from her mile*high humility tower

and she thinks of her sled twice an hour
yeah, she said she feels dead on humility tower

and she quietly moans in the shower
on her throne made of bones, all alone in humility tower

- tony goldmark lyrics

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