after burn - tony goldmark lyrics
[skit]
raccoons:
(assorted exclamations: “wooo!”; “we did it!”; “we’re the best!” etc.)
lead raccoon:
that was the greatest thing i’ve ever seen or heard. and now, we’re gonna teach you stupid kids how to saw your own legs off for sympathy money! first, you locate a large saw. and then…
(door opens)
tony:
okay, i’m back from disneyland. and…why is my apartment filled with animated raccoons?
raccoons:
(assorted mutterings: “um…”; “uh…”; “well…”; “see, the thing is…”; “hmmm.” etc.)
lead raccoon:
get him!
(assorted raccoon attack sounds)
(tony screams)
narrator:
later, in the studio…
garth:
are you sure you’re rеally tony goldmark? ’cause i…
raccoons:
yes, absolutely! wе is totally marky goldpox and not at all sixty animated raccoons in a marky goldpox suit! we have convinced you of this!
garth:
okay, well this next song is kind of an intense badass country song in the style of johnny cash. you think you can handle that right now?
raccoons:
no! but you will take it as read that we have convinced you otherwise!
garth:
okay, take one
(music starts)
raccoons:
so, you’ve found yourself a man
who fulfills your plan
to make a d*mn fool out of me
he can fly you to the moon
in a hot air balloon
he can even make the deaf man see!
well…
(door opens)
tony:
okay, i’m back from the dead. hey, look what i found! (gun c*cking)
(machine gun sound effects, assorted raccoons screaming)
tony:
uh yeah, just rewind that please? thank you
(song rewinds)
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