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the experts song - tom naughton lyrics

[verse]
well i’m…
lysine, bromide, various insecticides, blue dye #9
i’m 20 different acids, and 13 alkalines
i’m dextrose, glycerin and saccharin, monosodium glutamate
and a couple grams of oat bran i ingested by mistake

[chorus]
so put me in a beaker and better run some tests on me
with the toxins in my body i’m a walking pharmacy
i’m shopping for my coffin but don’t shed me any tears
’cause according to the experts i’ve been dead for several years

[verse]
now i’m probably just a victim of my weak heredity
my grandpa loved his whisky, cigarettes and ham and cheese
he had bacon, eggs and coffee every day he was alive
and his diet finally k!lled him at the age of 95

[breakdown]
now my health*food friend was natural in his body, mind and soul
he only ate organic foods from a natural earth and bowl
but there was botulism in that natural garden he had plowed
he died of natural causes and his friends were very proud
you know what they said at his funeral, don’t you?
“boy, he sure looks natural!”
[verse]
now kim jong il sold chemical bombs to his buddies in iran
but if they shoot them at our allies, boy we’ve got a secret plan
they gonna give me a big ol’ cigar, put me in some bomber’s load
then they’ll light me up and kick me out and they’re toast when i explode

- tom naughton lyrics

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