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we will all go together when we go (live) - tom lehrer lyrics

(spoken)
i am reminded at this point of a fellow i used to know whose name was henry, oh, and to give you an idea of what an individualist he was, he spelt it h*e*n*3*r*y. the three was silent, you see. henry, henry was financially independent having inherited his father’s tar and feather business, and was therefore able to devote his full time to such intellectual pursuits as writing, i particularly remember a heartwarming novel of his about a young necrophiliac who finally acheived his boy*hood ambition by becoming coroner… the rest of you can look it up when you get home. in addition to writing, he indulged in a good deal of philosophizing. like so many contemporary philosophers he especially enjoyed giving advice to people who were happier than he was, and one uh, one particular bit of advice which i recall, which is the reason i bring up this whole dreary story, is something he said once before they took him away to the massachusetts state home for the bewildered, he said, “life is like a sewer. what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” it’s always seemed to me that this is precisely the sort of dynamic, positive thinking that we so desperately need today in these trying times of crisis and universal broo*ha*ha, and so with this in mind, i have here a modern, positive, dynamic, uplifting song in the tradition of the great old revival hymns, this one might more accurately be termed a survival hymn it goes like this…

(sung)
when you attend a funeral
it is sad to think that sooner or l*
*ater those you love will do the same for you
and you may have thought it tragic
(not to mention other adjec*
*tives) to think of all the weeping they will do
but don’t you worry

no more ashes, no more sackcloth
and an armband made of black cloth
will some day nevermore adorn a sleeve
for if the bomb that drops on you
gets your friends and neighbors too
there’ll be n0body left behind to grieve

and we will all go together when we go
what a comforting fact that is to know
universal bereavement *
an inspiring achievement!
yes, we all will go together when we go

we will all go together when we go
all suffused with an incandescent glow
no one will have the endurance
to collect on his insurance
lloyd’s of london will be loaded when they go
oh, we will all fry together when we fry
we’ll be french*fried potatoes by*and*by
there will be no more misery
when the world is our rotisserie
yes, we all will fry together when we fry

down by the old maelstrom
there’ll be a storm before the calm

and we will all bake together when we bake
there’ll be n0body present at the wake
with complete partic*p*tion
in that grand incineration
nearly three billion hunks of well*done steak

oh, we will all char together when we char
and let there be no moaning of the bar
just sing out a te deum
when you see that icbm
and the party will be come*as*you*are

oh, we will all burn together when we burn
there’ll be no need to stand and wait your turn
when it’s time for the fallout
and saint peter calls us all out
we’ll just drop our agendas and adjourn
you will all go directly to your respective valhallas
go directly, do not pass ‘go’, do not collect two hundred dollars

and we will all go together when we go
every hottentot and every eskimo
when the air becomes uraneous
we will all go simultaneous
yes, we all will go together
when we all go together
yes, we all will go together when we go

- tom lehrer lyrics

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