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h.y.c.y.bh? - tom cardy lyrics

[verse 1]
when my roommate comes into the room
looking for his car keys
i don’t say it yet
and when he gets me off the couch
to check underneath the couch cushions
i don’t say it yet, no
and then when he says out loud
“i wonder where my car keys are”
i still don’t say it (i still don’t say it yet)
but then he asks me
“do you know where my car keys are”
i look at him in his face and i say

[chorus]
have you checked your b*tthole?
ski*dap, ba*dap, b*tthole
i have not seen your keys, but since you’re askin’ me
you better check up that b*tthole
of course i’m not serious
i don’t think it’s up inside your big brown business
but a funny thing to say
to someone who’s lost their sh*t and is stressed out visibly

[verse 2]
when i see the best man start to sweat
i don’t say it yet (ski*dap, ba*dap)
when i see that little ring bearer c*nt
getting yelled at by his mum
oh, i still don’t say it
when i see the groom asking the vicar
if they can wait just another fifteen minutes
i do not say it (ski*bap, ba*da)
and when the father of the bride
starts organizing an ad*hoc emu bob of the courtyard area
i want to, but i do not say it
it’s the eleventh hour
with three*hundred congregates under god’s roof
the vicar approaches the mic
and suddenly, all of the chatter goes mute
he says that they’ve misplaced the rings
could anyone possibly know where they are?
i know it’s my time as all heads turn as i stand and say, “vicar”
[chorus]
have you checked your b*tthole?
ski*dap, ba*dap, b*tthole
i have not seen your ring, but have you checked your ring?
and by ring, i mean b*tthole
love is patient, love is kind
but if you ask me where you can find
literally anything you’ve lost before
i’m gonna suggest that it’s up your b*tthole

[bridge]
“where’s my phone?” is it up your b*tthole?
“i lost my loan,” have you checked up your b*tthole?
“i’m losing my patience,” check your *n*s
“where’s your class?” i think it’s stuck up your ass
“i just lost my grandma”
oh my god, i’m so sorry
“are you capable of not saying she’s up my assh0l*?”
of course, my condolences
“i’m not looking for a silly joke right now”
yeah, yeah… what are you looking for?
“honestly, just like, a shoulder to cry—”

[chorus]
have you checked your b*tthole?
ski*dap, ba*dap, b*tthole
maybe you’ll find your dead grandma up there too
oh, i f*ckin’ got you, b*tthole
my family hate me
this might be the reason that i’ve got no close friends
f*ckin’ worth it, baby

- tom cardy lyrics

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