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absolutely beautiful - tom (aus) lyrics

the first time i hold my child will not be for a song
the last time i held my dad’s hand was not for a song
the sh*t that happened with ______, that was not for these songs
everything i learnt from ava is not for these songs

that moment knocked on my door, it’s lost and it’s gone
what i plot in these songs will turn to posthumous thoughts
so will i rot for a cause? wonder what my corpse is going to cost
naked in heaven, and it’s nowhere to shop
will i leave in flesh a child i scarred? made in my likeness but how could i love them if i’m not enough to sustain myself?
will i leave behind a woman i lied to? stole from, abused?
will it be my first attempt or try two to rope up my blues?
grew up watching my daddy, my daddy never made songs
maybe that’s what seperates us, got a place to place my wrongs
but that does not eradicate them, i cannot erase ink
and i wonder if i really hit her would i even say sh*t in these songs?
well sh*t, now he’s gone
and i’m not him or close to it
but i squeezed his f*cking hand so hard i thought he might’ve rose from that coma
there’s no beauty in that, it’s no truth in the raps
because that was not for this song
the first time i hold my child will not be for a song
the last time i held my dad’s hand was not for a song
the sh*t that happened with ______, that was not for these songs
everything i learnt from ava is not for these songs

but my mother’s been strong
seen atrocities, loss
kept her son fed with monsters in her properties
hanging off of her pockets, copping packets with the profit he robbed
‘till he forgot to breathe in, now we’re all that we’ve got
that love is not for these songs
the day i hold her dying hand with all that i’ve got will not be not for these songs
i can’t grieve and perform
they feast on my heart, they lead me to god
they flee when it’s hard, they need me to talk
take knees when i’m gone, log in and delete all these songs
free me from this form, please

- tom aus lyrics

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