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i have little to no memory of these memories - toehider lyrics

have you forgotten more than you’ve remembered?
ever felt your mind go blank? just like that? it vanished?
or slowly felt it slip away?
well have you some memories you’re sure were never?
not yours?
riveted pyramids * curly hills * floating ships… what?
well neither have i but listen these three people had that!
if you’d kindly take a moment, i’ll tell the entire story…
the saga starts onе sunday (maybe sat*rday… hey, who can say? those minor points arе inconsequential anyway)
all three were suddenly subjected to, well, not déjà vu
but rather strange scenarios which i’ll get into…
it’s mid afternoon on a busy traffic street somewhere
(well clearly on earth because what other species lets their transportation infrastructure get so chaotic and out of hand?)
now for this to work, you’ll need some suspension of disbelief
this isn’t a movie, or even a made*for*tv series
so some imagination on your part is most imperative
the sound of a siren rips over the traffic ambience
a fire engine makes an attempt to weave through…

“the essence of living * hinged on past experiences
senescence is giving provender to wisdom, yet all the same
i don’t remember this, and i remember everything.”

some people struggle to recall events from earlier that day
but not this guy, he’s an anomaly
see, let me explain this thing known as “hyperthymesia”
a rare as condition that causes one’s memories to be quite unusually articulate
perfect snapshots of the past
on this particular day, while attending the call*out
he received a retention of past events not of his own…

“a presence forgiving * binged on vast coincidences
the essence of living * hinged on past experiences
senescence is giving provender to wisdom, yet all the same
i don’t remember this, no, and i remember everything”

so frozen, he sits in the dim cab lights
a house up in flames on his right as his
consciousness gets compromised
ejected from comforting thought patterns
unable to move in this moment he
endures the inevitable
the blue static charge in the air, it dissipates
a face in the glow as he slowly he comes to
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“there is a sting in bringing light to life’s regrets
of feeling pinned to things, events you’d rather forget
there is a sting in bringing light to life’s regrets
of feeling pinned to things, events you’d rather forget
so tied to times all intertwined with tight upset
fatigued and tired from staunch reminders, oh and yet
i don’t remember this, and i remember everything.”

“insignias in the hands, severely swollen glands
rust*encrusted sand, and so on
i can smell the sulfur air. it’s just like i was there
but i wasn’t. i wasn’t!
no one here looks like us. their skulls weeping with pus
their brains all scabbed and busting out
they move with a lopsided swagger in their stride
they’re rubbish. they’re awful.”

“i cannot be asleep. i get the feeling this is really happening!
i don’t believe in dreams, i can’t foresee them ever being helpful.”

“hovering above, round apparatuses shoot blinding light in spurts below
unnerving sounds of static charges in the air
i hate it. i hate it!
workers lugging pine, or maybe diamond mines
or something else entirely maybe
their eyes all squinted*like, they look off to one side
they’re scum*dulled, and numb*skulled.”
“file my fantasies, back up every little thought i have
log my reveries, be sure to store my memory exactly…”

“feels like it was yesterday. but how can this be any day?
i’ve gained a brain in all this disarray?”

“3 suns up in the mountains
surely like 2 would be enough?
fences down in the trenches
barbed wire and glass and th*rns and stuff
underpowered, massive steel towers
sensing that something surely significant is stored inside.”

“i think i’m trapped!” cried the woman
surrounded by newspaper, glass bottles and magazines stacked to the roof
bird cages
not one, but two big ol’ boats in the front yard
tarpaulin (not weather*proofed)
she does that thing with her hands that she does
when she’s in an inconsolable state of panic

as you can see, she has a problem
she thinks she needs it all, and there’s just years worth of stuff
piled and blocking each entrance (and exit) of the house
she’s well and truly f*cked
she tries to find a phone but all she finds is radios!

people, what we see is a girl in pain
a girl in pain

a little house on a cul*de*sac
filled to the brim with trinkets, with bric*à*brac
pop culture memorabilia, clothing stacks
and not to mention the 14 or 15 cats
sink filled with plates and teacups and vermin traps
frantic, a hatstand falls and trips her over
and though at first it’s all still intact
a towering pile of pamphlets (and other cr*p)
topples and tumbles down and then bam! it smacks
the back of her head. her vision tunes out to black
and all she can hear is the crackling of a fire
igniting from a shattered old oil lantern!

folks, all we see is a girl in pain
a girl in pain
but to some, in the depths of sp*ce
she’s the perfect brain
the perfect brain

all dials were turned somehow to 49 at the same d*mn time
on those vintage radios * a transmission flow!
a surge of something suddenly starts seeping in through skull and skin
her mind is flooded out with foreign memories…

but far above all that you know of
(it may as well be nowhere)
floats a planet all concealed by sp*ce debris
zoom in, we see a storage plant, and it’s sole proprietor
with a memo from the ruler of his species

“don’t delete our dreams
back up every messed up thought we have!
don’t deplete our means
be sure to keep each memory intact
exactly, every fact and fallacy.”

…it’s madness, is what it is
it’s madness, is what it is

a race not willing to forget
(or is it so they’re not forgotten?)
insistent on storing every glimpse of the past
but see they maxed out their brains some time ago
along with their storage contraptions
so their ruler put young bralien to task

“oh! there’s no repeated scenes
but there’s simply no more room inside these walls!
hmmm… but if i re*jig the streams
just for now, just temporary…
i’ll scan the universe for sp*ce
what’s this?
it could suffice, the feeble “earth” brain!”

[anyway, back on earth…]

“been having smidgens of odd aberrant visions today
voices i’ve never heard utter words that i’d never say
steely landscapes awash in a billious hue of grey
and my memory’s sharp as a tack, well usually anyway…”

“you know what’s really strange? is i’m copping the same
like a dumping in my brain.”

“are you saying your mind has been munted too?
invaded and faded from sight?
do you think there are more, or is it just us two?
degraded, updated alike?”

“well i did watch this bird drag you out of your house!
is it a condor? no, pelican? or is it a grouse?
don’t know much about birds, maybe do you have a book? “
“maybe somewhere, don’t know… give me a sec and i’ll look…”

“right here! a ‘shoe*billed stork’
you think that it can talk?”
“i doubt that it can talk…”

“…but maybe its mind has been munted too?
fabricated and jaded alike?
well, maybe it knows what we’re supposed to do?
why is it up there like that?”

“maybe it misses its home?”

all of our minds have been munted through
persuaded, dilated and spiked
snapping synapses, cerebrum skewed
infected amygdala!
but maybe our minds are aligned and tuned
united and lighted the same
i think that we all know what to do!

[rather quick audio depiction of the camera leaving earth, and up to that dusty distant planet]

he got the message, he got the call
“i need to recollect a thing i can’t recall.”
so bralien was like “yeah, okay
i’ll have it up and ready later on today.”
beneath the pointed mountains high
a giant screen went up, embedded in the sky
he found the file and flipped a switch
a premium service for his leaders (and the rich)

memories are valuable, but memories are malleable

at first the stream was quite adequate
but every now and then the memories seemed to split
to “vermin humans? the feather’s flap? a rocket boat
now what the h*ll is up with that?
urgh, bralien i don’t remember this
ohh! explain yourself boy, lest your noggin meets my fist!”

“uhh, well memories are fallible
and memories are malleable”

“shut up, i hear them planning things!
these humans have planned an invasion!
alert the defense domes and stations!
i’ll deal with you later!”

[meanwhile back on our soil planet “earth”, the humans prepare for lift*off in their hastily built, untested sp*cecraft]

“so, what, do we count down, or…”
“oh, i don’t know…”
“but we’re sure this’ll hold us? like…”
“oh! let’s just go!”

“well, well! i see their every move
i see what they will do, and hear what they think”
“wait, what? they see us storming the stars?
i have a memory of their memory of us?”
“thought thieves! prepare for a mind dig!
prepare for a cranium pr*ck! you picayune humans!”
“look man, we’re just as annoyed as you are! how did your brains blend in with ours? and now ours with yours?”

all stuck in a recall loop, awed and shocked
stepping out from their boat*craft, they felt so
e n l a r g e d

“don’t think, or they’ll think
(then) we’ll think, and they’ll think”
“stop trying to stop
let yourself think till
the last think is thunk.”

“there’s a sp*ce somewhere * hold it * back there
there’s some mind to be made up”
“place it where?” “hold up * back there.”
“it’s a mind to be made up.”

floating steps, weightless boots
almost buoyant wings…
(is sp*ce just water, but invisible? no?)
first the stork, then the two behind
they descend the meagre ladder
held with gaffer and baler twine

squint your eyes, folks or you won’t see it…
the planet is no bigger than a pear!
it’s inhabitants are smaller still…

their emperor speaks: “guards, stand down!
i think that i understand what’s happened here!”
and he peers down at bralien
”sir it’s not my fault! it’s our faulty brains!
our anamnesis addiction has maxed out all 1.44mb of my storage facility!”

“wow, your thoughts are so tiny…?”
“here,” the woman says as she pulls out her keys
“well, this should do you for the next 1000 years (or so)”

the drive home was incredible!
(or were they technically sailing?)
(is it flying if it’s in a boat? regardless, it was amazing!)
somehow in the process of those data transfer bends
the slate was cleaned inside the skulls of our earthianic friends
the man is clearer now than ever
now that he can’t lock on this past
reminiscing now no longer fills him
with annoyance and aghast
it’s like he’s had some static scattered
sprinkled on his mind
it’s all sort of there still, but just… [inaudible]

a billion things will happen every day
endless mess of shots and ricochets
but who cares!
you’ll work it out eventually
even if it takes another creature’s thoughts
to find out who you are!

i know of the woman’s childhood
for she’s been known to overshare
but her problems are her own
it’s not my place to go into them here
suffice to say she’s sorting
with her memory freshly cleaned
her mind, (much like her house now)
is not so bursting at its seams
what better way to sort a h**rder’s mess
than to burn it to the ground?
nostalgia’s nice in small doses, but ephemeral…

a trillion things have gone and passed you by
opportunities and the like** but who cares
you’ll work it out eventually
even if it takes another creature’s thoughts
to realise what you’re not!

[another audio depiction]

on that drive were some earth films
mostly light*hearted and kind
the tiny planet people watched them
and they thought they were quite nice!
as for bralien? well he was soon was promoted to archduke
for the emperor was most impressed…

and the shoe*billed stork said nothing!
mainly ’cause he cannot speak
he just bowed his head and rapidly cl!cked
his giant shoe*shaped beak
and the humans looked at each other
filled their cheeks with air and laughed!
(no, they didn’t get together, in case you were gonna ask)
they drove/flew/sailed that rocket*boat, and landed safely back on earth

so whilst our memories make up much of what we’re not, i’ll tell you what:
so much of who we are is what we have forgot!
i’m sure you have your questions (such as ‘how did they breathe in outer sp*ce?’)
i wish that i could answer, but my brain is fried!
i gotta fly!
some other time?
c o o l
g o o d b y e

- toehider lyrics

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