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suicide note - thr lyrics

i’m a bit afraid to say the thoughts made for this song
but my conscience is clogged and has been in anxious states for real long
my deepest, darkest secrets are about to crawl out of my mouth
to spout around the clouds that blind me which is why i’m driving south
while others flock to migrate north. i’m poor and lacking order
waking up is hard to do when opened eyes are blackened further
so, i close them, hoping for some alteration of the color
only shades of grey are painted in my frame of vision, covered
mother offered me a therapist to hear me vent sh-t
shared a “yes” and now i’m out of school for severe depression
only during math cl-ss, in which i am half–ssed
every time i hike into -n-lysis, it’s like a slap match
and i know i can’t p-ss. i have no effort left
in general. i’m messed up and i need to take it back a step
i’m told to put my best foot forward though. well, i can’t do both
guess that’s just the way it goes
i’m writing this while still trying to put my alb-m out
the first one, but i’m surrounded by this tragic doubt
that if i end up ending myself in the near future
i’ll have released something that explains myself clearer and lucid
my saneness airs out, yet all my peers are clueless
my brain feels cramps now. i’m nearing the part where i lose it
feet being burned on the pavement, i still choose the high road
which words used will be my final? think this is my suicide note

i’m struggling with faith. after my days are done, where will i go?
i hate to admit that there’s probably nothing, but i don’t know
i’ll simply cease to exist, memories thrown to the wind, blown cold
my personality, my knowledge, all the things i’ve seen or owned
and every inch i’ve ever grown turns notional. woah
you ever quit a mission as the chosen one? no?
good god, i hope the lord exists
he might be p-ssed at all these instances that i have sinned, and recorded them
i wish i could be christian again
living life filled with religion can give men clean beds to attend
i made my own. now it’s time to lay in it

hope i slip into a coma cuz i need the rest
overwhelming distress causes weaknesses in my knees and chest
all i wanted was to be the best
ended up mistreated as h-ll by my family and friends
wake up next millennium. maybe things will be different
i feel a vivid heatstroke coming up in the f-cking kitchen
i’m baked slowly until i turn to smoldered crisp bits
here i am at my threshold. why don’t you take a listen?
sink my teeth into my fingers instead of slit wrists
incision’s too visible. though, i got scars regardless
i don’t do drugs cuz i know i’d become addicted
or overdose the second chance i get
all my so-called friends do stimulants, hallucinogens
leaves me out of the circle, but i’m pretty used to the sh-t
i’ve reached my limit. do you dudes understand?
i’ve reached my limit

i had to walk away for a moment to take a breather
gaze through blinds over my window, fake a smile in the mirror
this room is getting heated. gotta remove my blue t-shirt
i feel stupid. i’ve been screwed. this is student becomes teacher
everything i know is seemingly self-taught. i probably
only have one real friend until the end. i think you’ve lost it, t
all of these girls no longer want loyalty to monogamy
alone. when suicide betides, at least n-body’s stopping me

this atmosphere is drowning
out the sound of the p-ssion for my humanity. down three
counts and still fastened to this mat, expecting the next round. re-
peat the beating for eternity, hourly
this sour taste in my mouth stays and outplays the flavor of glazed
pastries and cakes any day. why don’t i cleanse it with lead
brainless neighbors name me g-y because i praise, appreciate
art in all forms. my s-xual preference is intimate
f-ck my brains out before i blow it through my mouth
numb cuz yorktown pours down more crack, smack talk than detroit now
transitioned from tabb to grafton. these l-sses in my cl-sses
act real proud, sw-nking their -sses for the chaps without attachment
cheating on their men, thus seeding in a trend of l-st distrust
love must be unreal. women reel me in to leave me just distraught
up in my feelings right as i begin to thrive and idolize
the kindness they’d provide until i find out about other guys

some mr. brightside sh-t. some tyler rice-type filth
my ties are sliced by slits. i cry goodbye like snip
why…
why try…
why try if…
forget it

quit it with the instrumental. end in stillness, switch to limbo
pillow still dripping, drenched from my whimpers and intense snivels
silently crippled. i’m going mental, idle, and fiddled with
by negative thinking messing up until definite death
you know the rest. i’ll lay at rest
and gather my piece of mind for once in my life and i’ll feel my best
something i’ve desired for four years. i might be tired…
highly unlikely. find me six feet deep beside no wife or
lover of any sort. i’m retired
here lies tyler holt rice two thousand to two thousand seventeen
bye. diverge from viability. i win, finally
climbing the high and mighty set of steps for decades
finding no hope or delight so i’ll hurdle off by one-eight
i feel like the loneliest guy on earth
no luck with love for someone who considers his looks a perk
confidence matters little if populations reb-ttal
i still don’t have the grit to ask attractive madams to cuddle
unless established relationship status is known by the both of us
so no woman who isn’t specifically mine can move on l-st
but i’m not convinced that love exists
my parents couldn’t keep their marriage above everything with hateful splits
i’d roll a spliff with “so-called” friends if i didn’t know the effects
i’d smoke until my whole lungs give and open to withhold more cigs
my reaction time is fast and fine while coordination’s more amazing
and anxiety’s already quite ent-tled to my state of
mind at almost all times and my iq’s high so no thank you

this pill bottle is looking tempting
i’m just some crooked dead weight, waiting for the light to take me
i can’t find a reason to remain on driveway pavement
i’ll stray away from home even if, for a minute, it’s painful
seconds go by, unfasten my eyes
if i catch a glimpse of any image, then the dose was right
i’ve choked and died

- thr lyrics

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