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the star wars universe doesn't work (april fools) - the templin institute lyrics

[setup, marc, video essay style]

a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the rebel alliance fought to overthrow the galactic empire, while the remnants of the jedi and sith struggled to bring balance to the force. and for a time, this was good. things made sense. but the more of the galaxy we’ve actually seen since then, from the glory days of the high republic, through to the clone wars and into the rise and fall of the first order, well, the less things make sensе. there are contradictions, sеvere and prolonged lapses of judgement and logic, and a lot of the details and lore are just plain uninteresting or stupid. and while the templin institute never enjoys passing judgement on an entire reality, in this episode of incoming, i think we need to finally admit that the universe of star wars just doesn’t work

and i think it comes down to five major reasons; the first has to do*

[debug menu: hammerstein mode]

uh, let’s not be messing with that, we don’t need to […]
no, nononono, please we promised we would never do this this would anyone else do this this is not gonna be good this is not gonna be good this is not gonna be good*

[punchline, marc, sung]

i feel we’ve said this all before that the first order doesn’t work
their plans are dumb, stark!ller’s lame, and snoke rules like a jerk
“somehow palpatine returned” and the backlash is intense
what can i say, star wars makes no sense!

the new republic’s even worse, ask any demographist
the senate sits in silence while sendula is a fascist
her stupid kid’s annoying, and really not that bright
don’t ratio me on twitter, you know i’m right!

[stephen, sung]

even the sp*ceship battles are bad now
every show just kinda makes me mad now
[marc, spoken]

kinda creepy, but stephen’s right; all this new stuff is just so lame. i mean are we really supposed to believe that following their victory over the empire the new republic adopted a fusion of powers with a weak executive? ha! i hope someone got fired over that one. and everything else sucks too!

[sung]

thrawn is now a moron, boba fett talks way too much
ken0bi was a waste of time and bad batch probably sucks
the acolyte looks boring and rogue squadron is a mess
since the glory days of star wars, things have regressed!

[crossover, alex and marc, spoken]

now hold the darn phone marc…

[wip]

[marc, sung]

so the movies aren’t all great or every series free from flaws
they can’t all be like andor where every scene deserves applause
it’s a waste of time to whine about unless that’s your career
it is for us so please subscribe while you’re here!

there is nothing like andor, nothing in the world
there is nothing i adore more than everything in andor!
there are no books like andor
nothing looks like andor
no one drinks like andor
no one thinks like andor
no one acts like andor
or attracts like andor

there ain’t a d*mn thing wrong with star wars lore
that can’t be fixed by watching andor
the fascist*murdering, crooked*cop*k!lling andor!

- the templin institute lyrics

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