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hapless boy lard - the shirehorses lyrics

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they call me the hapless boy lard
why they call me that i do not know
mark: because you’re a great useless t*ss*r
lard: yes, i suppose so

the first day i saw him, i knew he was the one
glazed*over eyes and hillbilly smile
his cheeks were the tone of his blood*red sweater
and the cheeks on his face weren’t much better

when i knocked on the door and i entered the room
i’ll never forget the look on his face
he would be my first man, and with my careful hand
i went, “[fart] fancy a brew back at my place?”

they call me the hapless boy lard
why they call me that i do not know
mark: because you’re a fat gormless pillock
lard: yes, i suppose so

on the second day i was p***ed off with him already
when roger bannister called me on the phone
he said, “bruno brookes had to go * you can have your own show”
but you’ll have to bring lard; you can’t do it on your own

so i got started in showbiz on radio 1
and after two weeks, all the listeners had gone
but at least it’s a start; it’s a foot in the door
mark: now i’m stuck with this t*ss*r for ever more

yeah, they call me the hapless boy lard
why they call me that i do not know
mark: because you’re a fat gormless pillock

yes, i suppose so
yes, i suppose so

- the shirehorses lyrics

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