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broken necklace - the narcissist cookbook lyrics

[intro, spoken, a phone voice*mail system]
you have one new voice message. message received tuesday at 2:23 hours

[spoken]
*background noise of a beach, seagulls chirping, cars passing by*
yo, uhm, uhhhh
i broke the necklace
the necklace that you gave me finally after wearing it for over four years, daily
i snapped the cord at the wedding [?] on the weekend because i felt like it was choking me, literally
not metaphorically
and yeah, i cop that irony so i tied it around my wrist because i felt guilty
and it looked good, actually, and it felt good, like it was still a part of me
and i genuinely, genuinely thought i was going to be wearing it forever, now i’m
not
but now it’s sitting on my coffee table at home, snapped clean in half, and i’ve* uhhh* superglued it back together plenty of times in the past but this time when i looked down and saw that it was broken
this time a piece of it was* was* was missing
presumably lying in the road somewhere in town, or, i don’t know, in somebody’s bed, i guess
i* i can’t tell you how sorry i am
see this was
my agreement with you
in my head
if i can’t* if i can’t love you how you need to be loved, if i* if i can’t stop myself from freaking out all day, every f*cking day until i’m dead
then i will wear this necklace and i won’t ever leave the house without it
so if i’m walking down the street and i’m hit by a car
or my heart explodes in my chest, then
they would tell you
they would tell you that i was wearing it, when i went, and then you would know
and then that would be your last memory of me, not the sight of me screaming from across the atlantic ocean, or audibly shaking down a telephone wire, but the news that i carried a piece of you everywhere with me
in the shower
in my sleep, when i was reading and writing and learning how to drive
when i was
handling my sh*t and when i was losing my entire f*cking mind
and yeah, when i was falling in love with new people too
going entire days without thinking of you
getting resentful about the pile of your belongings still taking up much*needed sp*ce in the corner of my living room
all the times when i hated myself
and all the times when i was proud of myself, for trying not just to grow but to thrive, y’know?
i never forgot who taught me the basics of what it means to be alive
i made a promise
and i broke it
so i think i’m gonna take a photograph of that necklace and
put it on an album cover
and then i’ll memorize all of this
and i’ll recite it at every show, make it my four*minute watermark, because i still believe that if i can make everybody understand what you meant to me then that will act as my apology
if i can’t tell you how sorry i am then maybe the rest of the world
can do it for me
this was my agreement with you in my head
i can’t love you, not how you need to be loved, but i can and so i will wear that around my neck every day
all day
until i’m f*cking dead*

[outro, spoken, a phone voice*mail system]
message deleted. you have no new messages

- the narcissist cookbook lyrics

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