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arthur daley ('e's alright) - the firm (comedy) lyrics

alright my son, say no more, leave it out
no bother, as it ‘appens, its your shout
straight up, pull the other
in a right 2 and 8, hang about
what’s the damage –
‘ere, who’s your mate?
the geezer with the bunny in the trilby ‘at
reckons he’s legit but he ain’t all that
arthur daley, a little dodgy maybe, but underneath
‘e’s alright

propping up the bar at the winchester club
“a v.a.t. on the slate please dave”
terry’s still looking for a sub
arthur’s onto a nice little earner
terry’s getting agg and the chance of an hernia
minding the disco down some boozer
giving him a slap but he’s onto a loser
pound to a penny that he don’t get paid
on account of the recession in the used car motor trade

terry’s piling up the zeds
been up on a job all night
when all of a sudden there’s an horrible scream
and somebody’s switching on the light
it’s arthur, y-fronts caught in his zip
brahms & liszt an’ he needs a place to kip
terry gets the hump with arthur ‘cos he
won’t go home ‘cos of ‘her indoors’
“she’d k!ll me terry, odds on bet
i ain’t got the bottle; ain’t you got that kettle on yet?”

checking out his stock in the lock-up
arthur’s havin’ a fit
“‘ere where’s them magazines with the ‘erbets in the leather
and the bird with a whip”
“do what?”, says terry, “who rattled your cage? you ought to be ashamed – a man of your age”
“cheap jibe, terence. try to understand
got a punter coming round gonna take em off me hands
got a part exchange, claret from j-pan
a vintage year, and he does ’em in five gallon cans”

he’s alright, is arthur
so he’s got a couple of nelson riddles going
who ain’t? don’t make you a villain, do it?
and he sells the odd dodgy motor now and then
well, it ain’t a crime is it? (it is you know)
well yeah, it’s a crime, yeah, technically
but it’s a bit under the arm the way the (inaudible)
sit on his daily giving him gbh on the ear’ole all the time
i mean, just ‘cos he happens to have done a bit of bird for petty when he was a saucepan
he ought to do them for inflammation of character i reckon
you know what chisholm said?
he said “i know how arthur daley’ll die”
i said “how’s that?”
he said “he’ll fall off the back of a lorry”
bit strong, definitely out of order, know what i mean?
he goes turning his drum over, looking for bent gear
finding it, yeah, yeah, but it ain’t a crime, it well yeah it’s a crime….

- the firm comedy lyrics

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