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i'm afraid of christmas - the debutante hour lyrics

i feel it coming on
i’m feeling wrong right out of the box
waking up makes me sad;
i forget why i want what i want
every spare moment i’m obsessing
about all the time i spent messing
up, which is just about every relationship i’ve ever had including my parents and probably god
i feel it coming on
and it doesn’t make any sense since
my mom’s a jehovah’s witness
that…

i’m afraid of christmas
i’m afraid of it every year
every year i think i can beat it; it’s just time
and i’ve been through time before

i’m afraid of christmas
not for what i won’t get but for what i can’t let go
like last february, like my dad who died eight years ago
like my favorite hat i remembered as i shut the cab door, that was 2004
like everytime someone i loved wanted something from me that i couldn’t give but really i wanted to, which is just about every relationship i’ve ever had including my parents and probably god
it makes me feel like my life is something warm and satisfying that’s not happening to me but to those nice people over there
ex-boyfriends and other things i used to believe in they all start to bother me more that it’s almost christmas
i’ve been fooled by this before

was it bing (d-mn you bing!)
who infected my heart with things expected
like the notion of some clear emotion —
something you can just feel when you feel it
that good is just good and everyone has it
and longing’s just long, and it’s meant to end
and all you have to do is listen for sleigh bells in the snow…
now i know…

i’m so afraid of christmas
you should have seen me last year
i almost didn’t survive christmas
but i’m glad i did, because i get to be with you this year

- the debutante hour lyrics

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