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landlords - the cool greenhouse lyrics

there goes your new landlord
his dog is bull, his car is sports
and don’t you know that your labour paid
for his new personalised number plates?
they read ”k!ll all scroungers” if you squint your eyes
the ‘s’ is a ‘5’, the ‘g’ is a ‘9’
he says “don’t you know you should feel lucky to be alive?”
“don’t you know you should feel lucky to be alive?”

who cares that the one that you’re renting is a total dive?
just look outside, you know the streets are even more deprived
so be thankful for your hard*earned bed
it’s no matter that i’ve got ten (and they’re four*poster)
it costs 200 quid to get on the contract
well imagine that, oh you couldn’t make this stuff up
and then a few months later when you discover some dry rot
he says, “refer it to the council”
he says, “i’m sorry but my hands are completely tied”
“you’ve got to refer it to the council”
and welcome to generation rent

and here’s to the gradual erosion
of our collective expectations
at the hands of crooked landlords
who are complete morons

oh the walls are cracked, the room is small
there’s a strange smell of fish in the corridor
and when you decide that it’s time for bed
the trains still rattle past your head
and when the room fills up with mice
you’d think that he could at least be nice
but instead he calls you a filthy swine
and after avoiding your call for the fiftieth time
he says “i’m sorry but my hands are completely tied”
“you’ve got to refer it to the council”

so you refer it to the council
and they keep you on hold, for three days
the hold music is erik satie’s gymnopédies
it almost drives you completely insane
but eventually a chimpanzee picks up the phone
i mean a real chimpanzee, you know i’m no sn0b
he says “why don’t you get a real bl**dy job
huh?
well just take a look at me
y’know i used to sit around at london zoo
now i’ve got a pretty good job answering phones for the council
and i’m saving up for a nice semi*detached in hounslow”
he says “i’m sorry but my hands are completely tied”
“you’ve got to refer it to your landlord”

- the cool greenhouse lyrics

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