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zelda ii - the adventures of duane & brando lyrics

once upon a time in the land of hyrule
everyone was okay and everything was cool
until the dark prince ganon appeared and said:
“noooo!”

that’s right!
and now everything’s great
and it’s almost my sixteenth birthday
now all of a sudden i got a mark on my hand
(you must find the triforce of courage!)
not again!

let’s open up the door to the north palace
now i’m reading this ancient scroll, so calloused
zelda fell asleep a long time ago?
is it the same zelda? am i the same link? (who knows?)

this game is so confusing
when the h-ll does it take place? (i don’t know!)
which zelda did i rescue?
where the h-ll’s my boomerang? (i don’t know!)

you and everybody else in the world, duane
you know i love this game, bro, i ain’t complaining
so, i guess i’ll just type in my name
just pretend its the same game, switch my mind-frame
it’s a whole new game, it’s no contest, g
i’m making this a conquest, don’t question me
you see, this game doesn’t get enough notoriety
so let’s do this f-cking thing before i just play three

the name’s link, but you already know
i got the flow and the know-how
the wisdom and the power (let’s go!)
i bet the townsfolk can help me on my tedious quest
“get candle in parapa palace. go west.”
okay… (liar!)
we all know it’s in the east
plenty of beasts, but i got my shield spell at least
rest in peace as i stab you in your face
i got six different crystals to open the gate
to the valley of death and fight the guardian that awaits
to get the triforce of courage, wish zelda back awake
clean slate, recreate
relate with no hate
replace it with my magical shield and this blade

i walked off the path and i was unprepared
i’ve got one heart and monsters are everywhere

(bullsh-t! that just ain’t fair. shut the f-ck up, ganon! n0body cares…)

(a little frustrated, brando?)
only a c-nt hair
you ain’t seen sh-t, i got the strength of a bear
that has the strength of ten gorillas, i’ll k!ll you dead
i got a sh-t-ton of spells, but i think that i’ll stab you instead
i’ll fight mightily until everything is alright
i am the hero of time, and now it’s time to say goodnight

well i made it to the palace, i got nothin’ to lose
riding up and down on these elevators (awesome, dude!)
i gotta find the key to open up these doors, first
before i lift this curse that’s been put on this earth
i’ll stab that f-cking horsehead and put him on my wall
helmethead ain’t gonna be a f-cking problem at all
that ghost riding rebonack l1cks ghost horse b-lls
reflect carock’s spells, brawl with gooma, and make barba fall
i’ll k!ll ’em all, b-tch, thunderbird is a joke!
i’ll cast fire, and the smoke from your face will make you choke
so don’t provoke me, i’m focused on k!lling every one of you
bring back the peace and wake the princess, why you running dude?
come here and get what’s coming to you
bring it on, b-tch!
i’ll split your f-cking face apart and cook it like an omelette
i’m on top of it, there ain’t no stopping this sh-t
i’ll leave your runnin’ -ss “walken” like your name was chris

nanaki’s view in this track, chris is rockin’ them sh-ts
bringing me straight though the battle ripping guitar l1cks (ha ha!)

you know that i will save you
i’m made to
i’m breaking through

you know that i have faith, link
i’ll wait, link
i’ll wait for you

you have no choice, love
i know that you’ll rescue me, this is our destiny

i hear your voice, love
i’ve only just met you but something inside of me
drives me on, so i battle
who are you?
i’m your shadow!

i come from the darkness, your blasphemous side
created by hatred and eyes in the sky
after i beat you, i’ll live in your mind
and use the triforce to bring ganon to life
look in my eyes, we are one of a kind
same moves, same tights, same f-cking drive

you underestimate me, me, i’ve got us all figured out
so go and swing into the air like during me and ganon’s last bout
shout for your mama, shadow, fear my light
i’m like a lightning storm, frightening you, haunting your night
you’re just a shadow of the best there ever was and ever will be
i’ll make you look like f-cking peter pan, you’ll never k!ll me

no, i know all your moves, and i feel all your pain!
you’re a slave to the princess, a f-cking shame!
hyrule could be ours, take my hand
we can rule the kingdom, devour the land
you’ll never defeat me, you know that i’m right
you’re a servant, a p-wn, and you’re living a lie

i’m gonna live and let you die, b-tch, cause i don’t need you
i think i’ll just crouch down over here and stab your knees, dude
stabby stab stab, how you like that sh-t?
i’m gonna call you error cause you’re f-cking useless
i’ll bet your knees are more sore than a flint-town wh0r-
and when i’m finished with you, well, maybe i’ll score

i just beat the game!
yes, i did!

you saved hyrule, and you’re a real hero
i know right? (that’s right!)
i got zero fear, ho
yo, check it out, princess, give me a kiss
you know you can’t resist these lips, watch this
when the curtain goes down, link’s goin’ up
oh, stop yourself
well excuse-
shut up!
there’s only one way to shut me up, i mean besides
we’re brother and sister in the next game, right?
(for real.)

i guess you’ve got a point…

(i am error, i got nothing to say!)

- the adventures of duane brando lyrics

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