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pain - tdkkanal lyrics

[verse 1]
i got feelings,just like everybody
and i got to deal with them,just like everybody
death happens to everybody,and we have to deal with it
it’s the cycle of life,and nothing can interfere with it
i hide my secrets,under these lyrics so you won’t notice
never had a therapist to empty out or note things
i wish death on n0body,cause i know it hurts
i still feel it,even after 3 or 4 months,each day it gets worse
daddy’s daddy,died before we even got to meet
dad started to smoke cause he felt incomplete
one pack every day,for about 10 years
till he stopped,he decided it was meaningless it appears
i always wonder,how he was as a dad
if he was better than my father or not i never got to know that
as a kid i wanted to grow up so i could play more games
but now i’d rather die peacefully than to live in pain

[chorus: sample]
i wish i was somebody
anybody but myself
ooh, i wish i was somebody
anybody but myself

[verse 2]
i have feelings,just like everybody
and i gotta deal with them,just like everybody
thoughts of suicide,never got the help i needed
so i try to ignore them till my brain decide to leave it
even if it’s temporarily,it felt comfortable
like a sweet pain,it felt nice to feel something not entirely horrible
then november came around,2023 my mama’s daddy died
i couldn’t react,i didn’t know how to,now he’s flyin
the next day i had to call her,but i couldn’t,ask why?
i couldn’t bear to see or hear her cry
i decided to call her anyways,i knew i had to
phone ringing and me holding back tears,the emotions i ran through
as she picked up,i tried to speak,but i couldn’t,i choked
broke down infront of my mom,on the d*mn phone
she reassured me,told me not to go the upset lane
but at the moment i’d rather die in peace than to live in pain
[chorus: sample]
i wish i was somebody
anybody but myself
ooh, i wish i was somebody
anybody but myself

[verse 3]
felt depressed for a few days after grandpa died
it hurt so hard to sometimes see my mama cry
“don’t be sad boy,he said don’t let anyone cry after me,i’mma fly”
that’s what she always told me for what he said before bye
couldn’t tell anyone,scared they’d all laugh at me
declinin mental health,tried so hard to stay happy
but more suicidal i got by each day,i got more snappy
hurting others without even knowing it,i swear i did it without meanings
more violent jokes made me step back a little to control my feelings
looking back to realise i got traumas from the beatings
then my friend’s grandpa died,i felt his sadness
helped him back off from suicide,knowing i was on the same madness
psychologically abused everyday,by my dad
had fights with my mom over the death of her dad
never helped us out during the process,just acting mad
almost beat me for wanting to going to the eye doctor to get glass*es
so now i look in the mirror to see a miserable teen
wanting to blow my brains out on this decision i am very keen
never drank lean or used methamphetamine
never high or drunk but seen too many fiends on the streets
so for all the people that think i’m joking i’m f*cking not
i’ll never miss any of you people except real friends and my mom
and i know that n0body will miss me on planet earth
so i am sorry for being in here and making it worse
so now instead of living in pain
it’s time for me to say goodbye to my brains
[chorus: sample]
i wish i was somebody
anybody but myself
ooh, i wish i was somebody
anybody but myself

[outro]
guess this is it
i’ll be seeing you all soon
*gunshot*

- tdkkanal lyrics

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