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the haunting of december - taylor thomas lyrics

i’ve been dreading sitting down to write this song
’cause i know that when i do it means you’re really gone
i’m putting it off, but it’s time i move on
i’ve got so much to say since you tore us apart
this is my side of the story straight from my aching heart
but since you know the end, let’s go back to the start

we met on a thursday
you smiled in the worst way
the first second you laid eyes on me
i knew i was done
see i’ve heard all about you
my best friend said to look out for you
and i promised him i wouldn’t fall for you
that was lie number one

we talked in the back of the car
he drove while i memorized who you are
and when i spoke you listened intently
like every word was a piece of art
as we passed the city i was looking at you
i didn’t care for the lights ’cause i had the better view
and you said you’d never let me get hurt
well that was lie number two

you gave me your sweatshirt the very first night
i thought it’d swallow me whole but it fit just right
i should’ve known we were doomed if i thought wearing your clothes meant that all of the stars had aligned
by the second day we were stuck together like glue
if someone couldn’t find me they’d go looking for you
’cause where you were is where i’d be
and that’s the irony of how drastically the sp*ce between us grew
but back then i was naive
and you gave me something i believed in
i opened up about my trust issues
and you made me think you had ’em too
before you i was always kept like a secret
but you would’ve screamed it from the rooftops for all to see
that i was your girl
and you were proud to say so
but now knowing what i know
that was lie number three

you’d interrupt me just to tell me i was pretty
it always caught me off guard
and i’d forget what i was saying before
my cheeks would turn bright red
you’d smile and change the subject
and it’s sad that looking back i have to ask
was that lie number four?

we made so many plans that would never happen
but lets not talk about that let’s go back to magic
’cause that what is was when you chased me down the beach
the first time you put your arm around me
i melted like a little kid
my heart was pounding
when you held me the tightest was when i felt most free
you made me feel special
you made me feel safe
you made me feel warm
it was the first time i ever felt like i was adored
i thought there’d be pressure to be the face in a crowd you looked for
but i loved it and i got used to it
and then you got bored
but it was so good
when it was good
wasn’t it?
with your hands on my waist
you didn’t seem like you could be real
we only had a week
but in that time i got a taste of how love is supposed to feel
on the interstate you held my hand while you were driving
consumed with b*tterflies
i could have sworn that we were flying
we sang the songs on my favorite playlist
that’s why i can’t listen to it now

my favorite coffee shop is painted blue
’cause i took you there
i can’t go to the movies anymore
’cause you kissed me there
i see your face down every street
you left your mark on this town

your last day here
you packed up your things
you begged me to come with you
and i begged you not to leave
you wiped my tears
as we said our last goodbyes
i know that you liked me
but not enough to be something you’d keep
standing on the porch in the cold
you held my face and promised we’d make the distance work
then you kissed me for the last time
and now when i think about your lips on my skin
the spots you kissed are to burn
when i walked away from you
i looked back for a second
and all i saw was the outline of your perfect silhouette
i think i somehow knew
that when i turned around
that would be the last glimpse of you i’d ever get
you cut me deep and i bled
how could you forget
all the promises you made as soon as you left
at first it all was looking good
i stayed up later than i should
’cause you were a couple hours behind
but you still called me every night
until one day you were stuck in your head
and i knew then there was nothing left
you said you didn’t change your mind
it’s just right person wrong time
so i held on to the hope that two star crossed lovers
would find each other again down the road
but then my best friend called me
and the truth was addressed
i sat there speechless
he said “i’m sorry but i told you so”

while i’ve been crying myself to sleep every night
you’ve been out at bars kissing girls
you’re perfectly fine
i wrapped myself in your sweatshirt
on the bathroom floor
i guess i’m another victim who fell prey
to the beautiful lies
lay waste in the words that you say
but you can save your pity for yourself
’cause you need it more

how does it feel?
to know what you’ve done
to the girl who would’ve loved you with all that she had
how does it feel?
does it make you feel sad?
or are you unaffected?
’cause you left all the remnants of us behind
to haunt my mind
but you never looked back
it would help me sleep to know you feel just a little bad

even after it ended
i put on my best armor
’cause i believed what we had was worth fighting for
you knew the outcome
but you still watched me as i marched hopelessly into war
i could hate you for letting me lose parts of myself
and for leaving me there when i got shot down
but it’s time i clean my own wounds
wrap them in bandages
and pick myself up off the ground

i’m just scared that now every december
i remember you and dig up my past
then i’ll relapse and have to suffer through
the withdrawals of losing you all over again
i close my eyes and i can almost feel you
but i know one day you face will start to fade
and your name will just be a name
and maybe just maybe
all you’ll be is a distant memory by then

you built it up so nice
didn’t you?
sometimes i wish you’d call
but you don’t have a reason to
drifting back into strangers
is all that’s left to do

i’m just glad i can finally put this down
we’ve reached the end of the story
sorry i dragged it out
i spilled my guts
i feel better now

- taylor thomas lyrics

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