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this woman i met - steven wright lyrics

i met this woman and i really liked her as soon as i met her. all i could think of was wondering if there was the opposite of a restraining order. i liked her ’cause she wasn’t normal. she liked to dance really fast to very slow music, which i found very erotic. due to a head injury as a small boy. i was playing jacks way too fast. her eyes were a little bit too close together like the headlights on a jeep, i used to call her ac: almost cyclops. in her spare time she liked to waste time. she was a mail order bride’s maid. she would drink so much she would slur her pauses. she lived in a beautiful house it had cathedral floors, you’d walk in and fall right down into the middle. we went out for about six months then she went back to school in seattle, she was studying forensic astronomy. she wrote me this beautiful letter, and i read it, at the bottom i crossed her name off and wrote my own name and i sent it back to her. i never heard from her ever again. apparently she didn’t like what she wrote. the reason i’m so laid back is because in high school i smoked a lot of ritalin. my problem is i was reincarnated without ever having been alive the first time. my nephew has hdadd: high definition attention deficit disorder. he can hardly pay attention but when he does it’s unbelievably clear. i saw an advertis*m*nt for some invisible fences, i thought that’d be perfect for my invisible dogs. i live in massachusetts, i didn’t shovel a driveway this past winter since i bought the flamethrower. you know, the earth is bipolar. i’ve been emailing my answering machine, which has been sending faxes to my cellular subconscious, which has call waiting so in case i’m thinking of something else, i can get back to myself later. it’s out of control now, don’t you think? i heard soon they’re gonna have digital numbers. my dog has a website, all it is is naked cats

- steven wright lyrics

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