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hey bitches (2013 live in the róisín dubh) - steven sharpe lyrics

ah, so nice to see all of yee. thanks for uhm helping me make an album. i hope pat took al your pictures on your way in, so you can get on the inside cover… you know the way cd’s come and they’re like “wow” and then the cd comes out and it’ll be your face. we’re hoping that’ll be great. you look so s*xy, wanna put you on the thing. oh what am i doing? uhm, songs that’s right

come on guys, it’s okay, relax. we’ve done this a million times before, we can do it again. uhm listen, big thanks for coming out tonight guys. i really appreciate to see so many of you and to hear people havе been turned away. it upsets me but at thе same time, you know, it feels really good so… so thanks for coming out

so i wrote this one*man show and it was based on questions asked to me by straight people. and they were asking all these really strange questions. and i went to the townhall theatre for two nights and that sold out, which was nice. but, when i wrote it, i came up with a character that became more popular than me. and people were constantly coming up to me asking “who’s this damien? is he a real person? he sounds terrible.”

i’m not gonna tell you who but two people in the room tonight actually know who damien is. and they’ve never been to one of my shows before. so they’re in for a bit of a surprise

when i first met damien, it was in the downstairs smoking area of a g*y bar where i go to eavesdrop on conversations in order to figure out what it is exactly i’m supposed to be doing. now damien was on the phone and i don’t like listening to phone conversations because they’re incredibly one*sided. then as it turns out, most conversations with damien were incredibly one*sided

now he saw me eavesdropping and decided to come over and say h*llo. he said “hi” and i said “hey, how’s it going?” and he said “do you have a light?” and i said “yep, yep there you go, there’s a lighter for you now. you’d be happy with that?”
“thanksss. you know i haven’t seen you around here before. are you like new to the scene or something?” and i said: “no, no, no, no, i just, just don’t go to g*y bars.” and he said “why, are you straight?” and i said: “no, no, no i’m g*y, i’m just terrified of g*y people.” and he said: “really?” and i said: “no, no, joking, joking.” (i wasn’t joking.)

do you ever talk to these people, these talk show people? they just kind of talk to you over their shoulder like this, not face to face. like they’re on a chat show. like they’re at oprah. damien was one these people that would tell you his entire life philosophy within about fifteen minutes of knowing you. and damien said:

- steven sharpe lyrics

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