the saga of lenny - stephen sondheim & lauren bacall lyrics
there once was a boy named lenny
whose talents were varied and many
so many that he was inclined
never to make up his mind
in fact he was so gifted
he seldom felt uplifted
just undefined
poor lenny
ten gifts too many
the curse of being versatile
to show how bad the curse is
we’ll need a lot of verses
and take a little weill
lenny made his mind up when he was three
he’d write a show, a ballet, and a symphony
but once the winds were tootled and the first strings plucked
he decided it was terrible — he’d have to conduct
poor lenny
time and again he
complained, “i’m in this dreadful bind
i feel for leonardo
god, g*nius is so hard. oh
you can not make up your mind
(brief piano interlude from “on the town”)
lenny made his mind up when he was nine
he’d be not only bernstein, he’d be rubinstein
“but just rubinstein” he grumbled “that’s like calling it quits
when there’s hammerstein and wittgenstein and gertrude and blitz.”
poor lenny
knew there and then he
might easily get over-steined
from ein- to ep- to julie
to lichtenstein, oh truly
he could not make up his mind
(brief piano interlude: “gee officer krupke” from “west side story”)
lenny made his mind up at twenty-two
to do whatever pinza or astair could do
though his voice was truly b-ss he had the charm of a kid
and if the dance floor didn’t suit him the podium did
poor lenny
wondering when he
could show off all his gifts combined
began a tv feature. it’s best to be a teacher
when you can’t make up your mind
lenny made his mind up at twenty-eight
that marriage and a family would be just great
but he had no time for weddings, till the great day came
he was free between a tennis and an anagrams game
poor lenny
worse though, poor jenny
who muttered all those years, resigned:
“i don’t care if he picks a
schlimazel or a shiksa
he should please make up his mind.”
(brief piano interlude: the 12-tone row that forms the basis of “cool” from “west side story”)
lenny made his mind up at forty-six
that maybe atonality and rock would mix
though it certainly was serial with rhythm on top
it had lots of snap and crackle but not enough pop
poor lenny
pacing his den he
was worried he’d be left behind
he mumbled, “how ironic
atonal is a tonic
when you can’t make up your mind.”
(brief piano interlude: intro to “the jet song” from “west side story”)
spoken: so is minimalism
lenny made his mind uo as seven-oh
to be a modern renaissance, like, man, you know
and there’s virtually nothing that he hasn’t done
so get ready for his club act at seventy-one
poet, pundit, seer
politician, skier
still at sea at threscore ten
decked with every laurel
lenny, here’s the moral:
do whatever pleases you and when
follow all your talents
don’t attempt to balance
shower us with every kind
share your every vision
stick with indecision
don’t make up
you shouldn’t make up
you mustn’t make up
don’t ever make up
live another score
write another score
and don’t make up your mind!
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