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beelz - stephen lynch lyrics

i figured since i wrote a song about you know god and jesus and all that
i’d have to give the uh, opposition equal time

[verse 1]
ever since first man has walked this earth i have been here
to whisper seeds of doubt and evil thoughts into his ear
i am the beast, the outcast angel fallen from on high
i go by many names, but there is one you can’t deny

my name is satan
hi everybody
uh, let me tell you a little bit about myself

[verse 2]
my friends all call me old scratch
and i am a capricorn
my turn-ons are romantic walks and k!lling the unborn
i’ve got little devil h-rns and a little goatee
and little devil eyes to help a little devil see
and little cloven hooves make it kinda hard to ski
i’m satan
woohoo

mephistopheles for some, i don’t know
[verse 3]
my real name is beelzebub
but you can call me beelz
i love to watch fox news then go club some baby seals
then i’ll take a bubble bath and drink a zinfandel
try to wash off that baby seal smell
and then i’ll make a toast to me
hey, here’s to my heal-
th

[verse 4]
my name is satan
to carry on my evil ways i went and had a son
and now he makes his living as a singing comedian
i’m in every zeppelin album, i’m in all rush limbaugh’s rants
i’m the reason that the boston red sox even had a chance
and if i want to eat your soul i’ll just throw it on the griddle
no need to make a deal i don’t need to tell a riddle
and f-ck charlie daniels i don’t care if you can fiddle i’m satan
devil went down to georgia he was looking for a soul to steal
that’s f-cking bullsh-t because i would not be caught dead in georgia
okay, it’s like oh my god
six six six
satan

[outro]
look that’s just how i picture him, you f-cking think of whatever you want

- stephen lynch lyrics

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