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can i interest you in hanukkah? - stephen colbert lyrics

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[jon stewart]
can i interest you in hanukkah?
maybe something in a festival of lights
it’s a sensible alternative to christmas
and it lasts for seven–for you–eight nights

[stephen colbert]
hanukkah, huh?
i’ve never really thought about it

[jon stewart]
well‚ you could do worse

[stephen colbert]
is it merry?

[jon stewart]
it’s kind of merry

[stephen colbert]
is it cheery?

[jon stewart]
it’s got some cheer

[stephen colbert]
is it jolly?

[jon stewart]
look‚ i wouldn’t know from jolly
but it’s not my least unfavorite time of year

[stephen colbert]
when’s it start?

[jon stewart]
the 25th

[stephen colbert]
of december?

[jon stewart]
kislev

[stephen colbert]
which is when exactly?

[jon stewart]
i will check

[stephen colbert]
are there presents?

[jon stewart]
yes‚ indeed, 8 days of presents
which means one nice one, then a week of dreck

[stephen colbert]
does hanukkah commemorate
events profound and holy?
a king who came to save the world?

[jon stewart]
no‚ oil that burned quite slowly

[stephen colbert]
well, it sounds fantastic!

[jon stewart]
there’s more!

we have latkes

[stephen colbert]
what are they?

[jon stewart]
potato pancakes

we have dreidels

[stephen colbert]
what are they?

[jon stewart]
wooden tops

we have candles

[stephen colbert]
what are-

[jon stewart]
they are candles!
and when we light them
oh the fun it never stops

what do you say, stephen
do you want to give hanukkah a try?

[stephen colbert]
i’m trying to see me as a jew
i’m trying even harder
but i believe in jesus christ
so it’s a real non-starter

[jon stewart]
i can’t interest you in hanukkah?
just a little bit?

[stephen colbert]
no thanks‚ i’ll p-ss
i’ll keep jesus
you keep your potato pancakes
but i hope that you enjoy ’em
on behalf of all the goyim

[jon stewart]
be sure to tell the pontiff
my people say good yontif

[stephen colbert]
that’s exactly what i’ll do

[both]
happy holidays, you

[jon stewart]
too!

[stephen colbert]
jew!

[jon stewart]
too?

- stephen colbert lyrics

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