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can i interest you in hannukah? - stephen colbert lyrics

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jon: can i interest you in hannukah?
maybe something in a festival of lights
it’s a sensible alternative to christmas
and it lasts for seven -for you – eight nights.
stephen: hanukkah huh? i’ve never really thought about it.
jon: well, you could do worse.

stephen: is it merry?
jon: it’s kind of merry
stephen: is it cheery?
jon: it’s got some cheer
stephen: is it jolly?
jon: look, i wouldn’t know from jolly.
but it’s not my least unfavorite time of year.

stephen: when’s it start?
jon: the 25th
stephen: of december?
jon: kislev
stephen: when is when exactly?
jon: i will check
stephen: are there presents?
jon: yes, indeed 8 days of presents
which means one nice one, then a week of dreck.

stephen: does hanukkah commemorate events profound and holy? a king who came to save the world?
jon: no, oil that burned quite slowly
stephen: well, it sounds fantastic!
jon: there’s more

jon: we have latkes
stephen: what are they?
jon: potato pancakes. we have dreidels
stephen: what are they?
jon: wooden tops. we have candles
stephen: what are they?
jon: they are candles!
and when we light them, oh the fun it never stops.

what do you say, stephen, do you want to give hanukkah a try?
stephen: i’m trying see me as a jew
i’m trying even harder
but i believe in jesus christ
so it’s a real non-starter

jon: i can’t interest you in hanukkah? just a little bit?
stephen: no thanks i’ll p-ss. i’ll keep jesus, you keep your potato pancakes. but i hope that you enjoy ’em on behalf of all of the goyim.
jon: be sure to tell the pontiff, my people say good yontif.
stephen: that’s exactly what i’ll do
both: happy holidays, you
jon: too!
stephen: jew!

jon: too?

- stephen colbert lyrics

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