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little blue riding hood - stan freberg lyrics

>’dragnet’ opening theme< narrator: the story of little blue riding hood is true. only the colour has been changed to prevent an investigation. >‘dragnet’ opening music< joe (voice-over): this is the woods. my name is wednesday, i work outa' homicide. monday, february the 2nd, 10:22am. bumped into chicken lickin'. told me the sky was falling. i booked her on a 614, turned her over to the psychiatrists. then a call came in on a 503. when i was on my way to the 503 a 618 came in. i added up the 614, the 503 and the 618. got 1735. i handed in my paper to the chief, he corrected it, gave me 100%, patted me on the head. told me i was a good cop. >dramatic music< joe (voice-over): 11:45am, it happened. i saw a little girl in a blue hood carrying a basket. i stopped to question her. joe: pardon me, ma'am, could i talk to you for just a minute, ma'am? little blue: what about? joe: nothing much, ma'am. just wanna' ask you a few questions, ma'am. what's your name? little blue: little blue riding hood. joe: where ya' going, ma'am? little blue: grandma's house. joe: yes, ma'am. whad'ya got in the basket? little blue (defensively): whad'ya trying to say, i got something in the basket i shouldn't have? joe: no, ma'am, i didn't say that. little blue: then whad'ya asking me all these questions for? joe: just routine, ma'am, we just wanna' get the facts. may i have a look in that basket, ma'am? little blue: be my guest. joe: let's see. sawed-off shotgun. knife. bludgeon. box of dumdum sh-lls. nothing suspicious here. all right, ma'am, we may want to talk to you later, so don't leave the woods. >dramatic music< joe (voice-over): she skipped on down the path. but she didn't know i'd seen the concealed compartment in the basket. in it, what i'd suspected all along - goodies. >dramatic music< joe (voice-over): my job - get to grandma's before she did. i took a shortcut through the strawberry patch. it was sort of a strawberry shortcut. >sound of walking< joe (voice-over): i walked up to the cottage, rang the bell. >door bell< grandma: come in, dear. >door opens< joe: ok, grandma, it's a raid. grandma (acting surprised): a raid? why, i'm just a peace-loving old lady, you've got the wrong grandma. joe: yes, ma'am. we just wanna' get the facts. where'd you get that b-mp on your head? grandma: the sky fell on me this morning. >dramatic music< joe (voice-over): i made a note to book her on a 614 and turn her over to the psychiatrists. i tied her up, put her in the closet, then i put on the grandma suit and got into bed. >knock on door< joe (making no attempt to disguise his voice): come in, ma'am. >door opens< little blue: h-llo, grandma, i got the loot. what're you doin' in bed? joe: i'm feeling poorly. little blue: but grandma, what big ears you have! joe: all the better to get the facts. i just wanna' get the facts, ma'am. little blue: but grandma, what a big subpoena you have in your pocket! joe: all the better to serve you with. little blue: but grandma, what a big .38 police special you have pointed at me! joe: all the better to take you in. you're under arrest. you and your grandma are operating a goodies ring. little blue (sadly): a cop. i shoulda' known. joe: known what, ma'am? little blue (sadly): you look nothing like my grandma. you forgot about the mustache. joe: but i don't have a mustache. little blue: i know. but grandma does. >dramatic music< frank: well, i see you broke the goodies ring. how'd you get a lead on 'er, joe? joe: i just played a hunch, frank. it was just a hunch. i played my luck; sometimes a hunch pays off, sometimes it doesn't, i was just lucky, i just played a hunch, frank. frank: what you're trying to say, joe, is you just played a hunch. a lucky guess. sometimes a hunch pays off, sometimes it doesn't. you just played a hunch. is that what you're trying to tell me, joe? joe: yeah. i just played a hunch. >‘dragnet’ end music<

- stan freberg lyrics

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