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selfish and benevolent - some antics lyrics

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i’ve got a confession i’m making
my bones aren’t done breaking
my hearts not done aching

i’ve been left alone
it’s where i feel right at home

im at odds with myself
i don’t like who i was
don’t like who i’ve become

is there any me
i can say that im proud of?

i love everyone around me
but i feel lost at sea
oh i feel like i’m drowning

and i hope your heart breaks
when you hear these three chords that i play

i lost my happy, my joy, what’s important
i’ve lost all my sleep and the one i adore
but i’ve lost all these things before tonight
so i know this time that i’ll be alright

but for now i’ll just admit
i’m not someone most people would miss

but thats okay, i’m not worth the trouble anyway

i know that i seem okay most of the time
and i know that i act like i’m doing just fine

if the coffee makes me happy for a couple of hours
i used to make you happy when i showed up with flowers

i lost my happy, my joy, what’s important
i’ve lost all my sleep and the one i adore
but i’ve lost all of these things before tonight
so i know this time that i’ll be alright

but for now i’ll just admit
i am not someone most people would miss
i can’t believe that i’m saying i miss your

selfishness
wrapped in benevolence

i think progress eludes me
will the tides turn for me?

i drove home today and got carried away and i
felt things again that i know aren’t okay

’cause i long for the warm nights
on that eastwood lakeside

the fallen leaves on the fallen tress match the far-gone ease with which i used to be held together

but now i’m falling apart
the tear drops lost in my car

heres an open letter from my heart through tears
dearly beloved i’ve got you here
it’s two am i want to hold you near
i know you feel the same can we forget those years

of fighting
and lying

i’ve lost my happy, my joy, what’s important
ive lost all my sleep, you’re the one i adore
but i’ve lost you two times before tonight
though you still make me feel like i might be alright

am i not much to look at?
or is my head too broken?
are we really just friends?
are we gonna ignore this?

i buried myself head-first into the ground
will you pick me back up or will you leave me feeling
down

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