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you're the worst - shaina taub lyrics

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[feste]
my friend, i know you best
but i like you anyway
and a real pal tells the truth
warts and all the way
instead of a phony toast
you deserve an honest roast
so let’s all raise a gl-ss
to my favorite pain in the -ss
to sir toby belch!

[sir andrew & fabian & buddies]
to sir toby belch!

[feste]
you’re the worst
you’re a slouch

[sir toby]
here we go…

[feste]
a potato gone bad on the couch

[sir andrew]
you’re a leech
and a glut

[fabian]
and your ego’s as big as your gut

[feste]
your burps are so famous they’re part of your name
you smell like perfume made of whiskey and shame
so let me tell you first
that you are the worst

[sir andrew & fabian & buddies]
you are the worst!

[feste]
who is the worst?

[sir andrew & fabian & buddies]
toby’s the worst!

[sir andrew]
a mellifluous voice, as i am true knight

[sir toby]
to sir andrew!

[sir toby & fabian & buddies]
to sir andrew!

[sir toby]
you’re the worst

[sir toby & fabian & buddies]
you’re the worst!

[sir toby]
you’re a drag
can’t flirt your way out of a paper bag

[feste]
you’re a wimp
and naive
it says gullible there on your sleeve

[sir andrew]
where?

[sir toby]
so you think you can dance
but trust me, you can’t

[fabian]
you’ve the wit of a toad and the brain of an ant

[feste & sir toby& fabian]
so let me tell you first
that you are the worst!

[sir toby & fabian & buddies]
you are the worst

[feste]
who is the worst?

[sir toby & fabian & buddies]
andrew’s the worst!

[maria]
what a caterwauling do you keep here!
for the love o’ god, peace!

[sir toby]
to maria!

[feste , sir andrew & fabian & buddies]
to maria!

[sir toby]
you’re the worst!

[sir toby]
you’re the…
and you got…
actually, maria’s kind of the best, i got nothing
anyone?

[feste, sir toby, sir andrew & fabian & buddies]
(murmuring in agreement)
no, yeah, she’s pretty great. / can’t think of anything readily. / hmm, you’re right

[sir toby]
to feste!

[sir andrew, fabian & maria & buddies]
to feste!

[sir toby]
you’re the worst!

[fabian & maria & buddies]
you’re the worst!

[sir andrew]
you’re a fool!

[feste]
clever

[fabian]
and you think you’re just too cool for school

[sir toby]
you’re a smart–ss

[sir andrew]
a smart–ss!

[sir toby]
and a bum

[sir andrew]
bum-bum!

[fabian]
and your jokes are all pretty dumb

[sir andrew]
now who’s dumb?

[sir toby]
you try too sincerely to please every crowd
and you play the accordion for crying out loud

[feste]
it’s a beautiful instrument!

[sir toby]
so let me tell you first
that you are the worst!

[sir andrew, maria & fabian & buddies]
you are the worst!

[sir toby]
who is the worst?

[sir andrew, maria & fabian & buddies]
feste’s the worst!

[sir toby]
no, i’m the worst!

[sir andrew]
no, i’m the worst!

[sir toby]
feste said that i’m the worst!

[maria]
ladies, ladies, you’re both pretty much the worst

[feste, sir toby, sir andrew, fabian & maria & buddies]
good friends have x-ray vision
they see through the mask that you wear
good friends laugh in derision
to show you that they care!

(enter malvolio, cutting off the music like a record scratch)

[malvolio]
my masters, are you mad? do you make an alehouse of my lady’s house? is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you?

[sir toby]
to malvolio!

[feste, sir toby, sir andrew, fabian & maria & buddies]
to malvolio!

[malvolio]
(flattered)
to me?

[sir toby]
you’re the worst

[feste, sir andrew, fabian & maria & buddies]
you’re the worst

[malvolio]
the worst?!

[sir toby]
you’re a frown

[malvolio]
have you no manners?

[sir toby]
and you p–p every party in town
you’re a sn0b

[malvolio]
sir toby, i must be-

[sir toby]
and a snitch

[malvolio]
i must be round with you-

[sir toby]
a high-horse ridin’ son of a b-tch

[maria]
gun!

[sir toby]
you think just cause you never had any fun

[sir andrew]
that everyone else shall also have none!

[sir toby]
i’m sure i’m not the first to say
you’re the worst

[feste, sir andrew, fabian & maria & buddies]
you are the worst!

[malvolio]
i am not the worst!

[feste, sir toby, sir andrew, fabian & maria & buddies]
malvolio’s the worst

[feste]
he’s actually the worst though

[feste, sir toby, sir andrew, fabian & maria & buddies]
you are the worst!
let’s hear it for your true friends
who tell ya straight to your face
that you’re a disgrace!
hear hear!

- shaina taub lyrics

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