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count malvolio - shaina taub lyrics

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[malvolio]
it all comes down to luck
in this wild, wicked world
but luck doesn’t have infallibility

for luck had the nerve
to make me one who serves
when it’s plain to see i ought to be n0bility

even the countess treats me with superior respect
i’m clearly her favorite in the house
she hinted once that, should she ever marry
she hopes someone like me would be her spouse
so, what’s the likely theory to espouse?

i could be
count malvolio, lord of the estate
dressed in all the finest silks
and master of my fate

i’d summon all my minions in a most majestic town
then once they all arrived i’d tell them
“leave me alone”

imagine
count malvolio, married up*and*up
watching all my fortunes as they grew
they’ll all wish they’d been nice
once i reload the dice
when i finally get my due

i’d send seven servants off to fetch my uncle toby
and i’d wait there with a most impatient frown
i’d fiddle with my diamond*studded wristw*tch
as i lounge upon a bed of fluffy down

then toby would approach me with a curtsie
i’d extend my regal hand for him to kiss
but, instead of my customary courtesy
i’d indubitably lecture him like this:

“now that i am married to the countess
at last it is right to speak the truth
you must amend your drinking and carousing
and that andrew friend of yours must go
he’s simply uncouth”

and he’d say
“count malvolio, please forgive my flaws
i’m just a lousy liar who thinks he’s above the laws
if only you could teach me how to be so refined!”
but i’d say
“sorry, toby, there’s no hope for your vulgar mind!”

just picture
count malvolio
honored and adored
my destiny will all be coming true
they’ll all wish they’d been sweet
well, they can kiss my feet
when i finally get my due

i knew i wasn’t dreaming or getting carried away
my lady truly loves me
her missive’s plain as day
the clues are adding up, the letter’s in my name
now all i have to do is play her game!

then i’ll be
count malvolio if i play along
act surly to the servants and tell toby that he’s wrong
i’ll sport my yellow stockings and cross*garter every lace
and i’ll always wear a monumental smile on my face

’til i am
count malvolio, i will ace each test
my fortunate unhappy puts me to
my instructions are clear
so the day’s drawing near
when i finally get my due

i shall be…

[illyrians]
count malvolio

[malvolio]
by the grace of jove!
i thank my lucky star for coming through
i’ll do all that she said
and then when we are wed
i will finally get, yes i’ll finally get my due!

[illyrians]
you’ll get your due!

[malvolio]
my due!

[illyrians]
you’ll get your due!
your due!

- shaina taub lyrics

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