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teach me how to die - senseless hearts lyrics

there’s no place like home, for me home is back west in the green state of oregon, home of the oregon duck, pine trees and hippies but more importantly my family, we are a tight knit bunch, sewn together at the seam and it seemed we’d be that way for eternity, but we are hurting people, brought together from a broken past of disobedience and broken steeples, but i’ve learned to look past the gl-ss stuck in this canvas that is our home, we’ve made it home, even after the storms of pointless injustice of fathers who didn’t love us, and a mother whose pain had become so tremendous that sometimes she’d just cry, and never tell us why, raising 5 kids on her own and facing ever storm all alone, she had become the families back bone so we wouldn’t collapse under the pressure, and she did the best she could but she doubts and isn’t sure, some days you can see it on her face, sometimes you can hear it in her quiet place, but i’m here to let you know that’s not the case, because my mom was always my hero, not only was she a mother and a father, but also santa claus, the tooth fairy and easter bunny all together in one package, she saved us, i consider myself lucky to have a mother who loves me, and brothers and sisters that make up this family, we are broken people, but we are home, and god’s been picking up the pieces and making this canvas into something beautiful, and now you can almost make out the picture, you could see it if you’d take a few steps closer, and this is the reason why it’s that much harder to say goodbye, god why me? i’m not worthy of this calling, but yet you’re still calling, and i keep answering with excuses because i’ve been feeling so useless, i’m not regretting saying that prayer “god send me,” i’m just scared because i didn’t expect to be leaving, leaving those i love most, there is joy but with it comes sadness because i know what i have to do and i know god is gonna see me through, but i have to leave the one place i called home, the one place where love was always shown, unknitting from this quilt that’s been sown, there’s this question in my head that keeps repeating, what does it mean to die? for me it used to be saying goodbye to loved ones, while leaving scars behind,that was when i was full of thoughts of suicide, but i made it past those lies and i’m starting to learn what it means to die, it’s putting yourself aside, while following jesus christ, god teach me how to die, so i can say goodbye and not cry every time i think about letting go, every time i think about that love from my own, oh god you know my love for you grows and continues to grow, but can you help me because i don’t wanna feel alone, i know i’m not but my emotions always seem to get the best of me, so father please teach me teach me, so it doesn’t hurt so much leaving, father please answer me in my grieving, but in this silence there is peace, and i don’t understand it but it’s been happening, the further i got away from that canvas i could finally see what god had been creating us to be, and in the hurt and pain there is so much beauty, leaving is worth celebrating because i’m finally understanding the purpose of that suffering, what does it mean to die? it’s putting yourself aside, while following jesus christ, god teach me how to die

- senseless hearts lyrics

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