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etched in my memory - self critic lyrics

[verse]

as opposed to most people compelled to state the fact
that no people could ever comprehend the unimaginable pain they’ve had
i believe this sentiment is deceiving, and the reason is
i feel i’m not the only one with the pain like that, struggling and sweating to escape the trap
whenever the predicament arises and i’m absolutely clueless how to tackle it unable to move on
i generally never want to get into specifics of the problem and elaborate upon it in my song
until i know i’m capable of solving it or at the very least i see a possible solution i can try
’cause otherwise i struggle to keep going as the the troubles keep on growing, and the thought of it is eating me alive
yet the contradiction is lyrics in my songs depict my misconduct, indolence
father issues, incompetence in absolvement from sins to solve predicaments
where my progress is non-existent in, and even when it looks like i stopped to live in sin
the odds to win get thin, soon as i exhaust my will and then i’m remiss again

my problems date to my toddler days, and the cause remains unknown
however, who my mom had raised in a lot of ways was a modest male, so don’t
think that i forgot my failures, they rot my brain and accomodate to grow
cause my flaws okayed an autopay a holiday ago

but no matter the scope of the snag or the slope that i’m skidding
how ragged the road or unfathomed the hole that i’m digging
my pessimism signs get so big in size, stress level threshold is incised
i get so terrified, it becomes impossible to be dissapointed at a malevolent surprise
you would think the lesson’s learned but i keep on finding out i don’t know jack
rather emitting empty words, i hoped brevity allowed my voice to hatch
as a result my taciturnity got our history expunged
but if my feelings were not real, then why did the distance hurt so much?
you underlined the disgusting side of me i wasn’t privy to
i cannot possibly justify the ugly silence, considering what it did to you
maybe i should’ve said how my dearth of qualities can be found in your personality
searched vocab in me for verbs and adjectives interpreting your virtues and surged them out of me

[chorus]

people tell me i have no flaws
then how come i lie in their eyes
while embracing them in my arms?
maybe they are just being nice
cause it’s obvious when i’m not
being honest with them and me
so they’re fighting till hope is lost
to be etched in my memory

- self critic lyrics

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