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terms and conditions - live at new century hall - seb lowe lyrics

[spoken intro]
this has been f*cking amazing, jesus, surreal. i’m gonna be thinking about this for the foreseeable future. and how good were keyside and the guest list, everybody? big round of applause, come on. sadly we only have one more song for you, erm, and before i do that i’d just like to give a massive shoutout to these people around me. can we all give a huge round of applause to sir sam sumner on the bass guitar, the one and only ben etches on thе guitar, of course, kate couriel on thе violins, and last but not least, the one, the only sir joel goodwin on the drums

[verse 1]
these are the terms and conditions for living in the uk
first, abandon kindness, it’s a fool’s game
went to state school in the first place
that’ll keep you two steps down in the rat race
you need to learn to hate america, russia, climate change
china, rich c*nts, poor c*nts, the weather and the tax rates
f*ckers telling you to isolate
labour and the liberals and the greens and the tory state
feminism, snowflakes, the edl
hate everyone and everything ’til you can’t even stand yourself
hate the fact you need money, all those who want money
the f*cking game and the taste for wealth
and find love in beer and drugs and crime
glory days before the others all arrived
seek pride in your nation’s contribution in the war
watch films about soldiers, cry at what they died for
a f*ck ton of corruption, the houses and the courts
the great british *rs* that soars
right before it sh*ts all over its own people in h**rds
in education, policy, tooth and claw
and then somewhere between the crackheads and the lords
the people who believe ’em and the police force
is a most glorious nation of pride and patience
no, i’m only joking, of course
[interlude]
we don’t smile too much around here, love
wipe it off your face
our terms and conditions consist of hate, ah

[instrumental break]

[verse 2]
part two of the uk’s terms and conditions
all but the wealthy and the first*class citizens
anyone poor or born outside of britain
you must follow the following conditions, yes?
okay, so what you’re saying is the rules don’t apply
to anyone with a winning lottery ticket as a bloodline?
the fact is, in practice, the rules do apply
exceptions of taxes and covid guidelines
amongst other things, you know: murder, lies
with money there’s no such thing as a crime
‘kay, so what you’re saying is your conditions is money making?
no, not money making; money taking—money taking? yes
money taking, after that, money saving
placing said money in savings
so greed!—not greed! aspirations, see?
for those with a first*class degree
of course, delectable family tree
conditions favour the aristocracy
equivalent of sitting in a stadium seat
you stand up for a better view, the guy behind can’t see
basically, t’s and c’s mean liberty
but freedom doesn’t recognise poverty
oh, sh*t
[interlude]
so smile, smile, smile
you got much to be thankful for
these terms and conditions were never truly yours

[verse 3]
for the taking
did you have me mistaken when you came to this country halfway?
the silly little dreams of a child half*baked
the mind of an animal scrounging for bait
did you forget about me? it seems you did
i’m the f*cking man, i decide who lives and dies
you are nothing but the blood between my eyes
i’d agree with each part of me
you are doomed for all of time
to revoke my spell, sans protest
please
thank you so much, i’ve been seb lowe, have an amazing rest of your night, f*ck the tories and definitely don’t…
step in line
oh

[outro]
i won’t smile for you
murder, oh, murder
oh you lie, you lie
you you you, no no no no
smile, smile, smile, smile
for you, for you, for you
i’m not gonna smile

- seb lowe lyrics

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