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the sex offender shuffle - scott gairdner lyrics

all: the state of florida has asked us to disclose our s-xual crimes to you. we were bad but now we’re good we’re moving into your neighborhood. you know we’re trying our best to be functioning members of society we’re not here to start no trouble we’re legally required to do the s-x offender shuffle
larry: i’m larry arthauer and i’ll refrain from touching my neighbor’s kids again what i did was not too kind but i’m a nice guy you’ll come to find got a backyard and a real nice pool y’all should come over for a barbecue we can make some cold drinks in my blender but do keep in mind that i’m a s-x offender
vernon: vernon douglas is my name my battery arrest is what brought me fame but there’s much more to know about me i love to dance and i love to ski i zip and zoom on through the snow strap on my boots and watch me go but i can’t ski until december until then i’m just a s-x offender
charles: i’m charles dolling dropping rhymes i’ve been arrested seven times i know that sounds like a lot three of those times were for vandalism feel real bad i got caught come on dude again probably not i’m not here to make pretenses i’m here because my s-x offences
sam: i’m sam pound i’m number one apologizing for what i’ve done in case you were wondering what that was i snuck into a bathroom and i ain’t no trouble i’m just here to do the s-x offender shuffle
laura: hey everybody i’m laura hughes proving girls can do it to and by it i mean touch your cousin was it worth it no it wasn’t won’t find me in your child’s play set cuz i gotta wear this ankle bracelet i’m not here to go on bender i’m here because i’m a s-x offender
mark: last name burmholdt first name mark i’m moving in somewhere on your block not in a house but in a van if you need me to move it i sure can last thing i want is any trouble learned my lesson from the s-x offender shuffle
arthur: i’m the one they call arthur chase they said i didn’t have to show my face my first trial ended in a hung jury if i’m found guilty they’ll un-claw me i’m not the necrophiliac arthur chase that’s a different arthur chase i’m not here to be my own defender i’m because i’m possibly a s-x offender
karen took the kids guy: ok real quick i’m not like these people this is an extortion plot on my ex wife who’s the only witness and she’s trying to take away my kids i’m not here to pack my duffle i’m here to do the s-x offender shuffle
the state of florida has asked us to disclose our s-xual crimes to you we were bad but now we’re good we’re moving into your neighborhood we’re obliged to admit the crimes for which we were convicted we’re not here to start no trouble we’re legally obliged to do the s-x offender shuffle

- scott gairdner lyrics

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