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spooky song - saturday night live lyrics

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(spoken)
[tyler’s girlfriend]
baby, this is too spooky. let’s just go back to the party

[tyler]
oh, come on. it’s halloween. we gotta hook up in a graveyard

[tyler’s girlfriend]
do we, though? tyler, what’s happening?

[tyler]
i don’t know

(song)
[ghosts]
on halloween your breath is taken
for tonight the dead awaken
listen well, our living friends
and hear how we all met our ends

(spoken)
[tyler’s girlfriend]
oh my god, tyler, they’re gonna sing about how they died!

[tyler]
i know, i’m scared!
(song)
[captain ghost]
i was a captain at my ship’s wheel
a heart of gold and nerves of steel
i fell overboard one night so dark
and i swam just fine, but so did the shark

[southern belle ghost]
i was a debutante, the belle of the ball
men would chase me from spring to fall
i never met a flame i couldn’t handle
until my gown met a candle

[chance ghost]
we can skip me
happy halloween!

(spoken)
[tyler’s girlfriend]
is that all he’s gonna do?

[prospector ghost]
yeah, i was wonderin’ the same thing. that’s it?

[chance ghost]
yes, skip me
[prospector ghost]
okay, i’ll go, then. n0body has ever skipped before. i’m sorry

(song)
i was a miner, diggin’ for gold
then one day, i hit the mother lode
i grabbed a cigar, gave it a light
turned out my stogie was dynamite
hee hee hee!

(spoken)
[chance ghost]
wow, everyone did great, and i think we’re done here, right?

{captain ghost]
no, uh uh. it’s the ditty of the d*mned. all four of us have a tale to tell of our deaths before we can go back to our graves. that’s how it works, so come on

[chance ghost]
yeah, here’s the thing. my death was a real “you had to be there” situation, needs a lot of context. i don’t wanna waste anybody’s time

[captain ghost]
sing now!

[chance ghost]
oh my god, fine. i’ll go. ready?
(song)
one dark night with the moon so red
what k!lled me happened, and now i’m dead
happy halloween!

(spoken)
[tyler’s girlfriend]
wait, but like, how did you die?

[chance ghost]
ha, ghosts never tell

[tyler’s girlfriend]
but they do, though. that’s what this whole song is about

[tyler]
is he allowed to be vague like that?

[captain ghost]
he is not

[chance ghost]
all right! it’s gonna sound way worse than it actually is. you guys know what a 9*volt battery is, right? it’s important for the song

(song)
at 12 years old, i sat on a 9*volt
it gave my heinie a quick little jolt
i liked how it felt, so i did it a lot
but i built up a tolerance to lower watt
then i realized there’s no higher volt
than the one that comes from a lightning bolt
so one stormy night, i went to my roof
and i put a metal pole in my ass

(spoken)
yo, why y’all? i can’t do this right now. y’all lookin’ at me like i’m some sorta freak or somethin’

[southern belle ghost]
no one is judging you

[chance ghost]
yes, you are. look at that owl

[captain ghost]
oh, forget about the owl. just finish the song

[chance ghost]
okay, god. okay, everybody remember where we left off?

[prospector ghost]
yes, you’re on the roof with a pole in your ass. heck, would’ve done the same thing myself

[chance ghost]
really?

[prospector ghost]
no, man! it’s weird as h*ll! just go

[chance ghost]
whatever

(song)
like benjamin franklin with his key and kite
that lightning hit my pole that night
i squealed with delight, but i quickly stopped
when my insides fried and my colon popped
and my ass burnt off and my thing caught on fire and my face caught on fire and i went in my pants
happy halloween!

(spoken)
[captain ghost]
what the h*ll is wrong with you, man?

[chance ghost]
nothin’! i was a kid, man. kids do weird stuff

[southern belle ghost]
you died in your 20s

[chance ghost]
whatever! let’s just finish the song

(song)
[ghosts]
listen to the dead, the voices of the past
and live every day like it’s your last
happy halloween!

- saturday night live lyrics

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