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sound of music: rolf and liesl - saturday night live lyrics

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[liesl]
i am sixteen going on seventeen
i know that i’m naïve
fellows i meet may tell me i’m sweet
and willingly i believe

[rolf, spoken]
that’s true!

[liesl]
you are seventeen going on eighteen

[rolf]
actually, i’m thirty*three

[liesl, spoken]
wait, what?

[rolf]
i know i look young
and i said i’m young
but i lied i’m thirty*three

[liesl, spoken]
you’re thirty*three? but, you ride a bicycle
[rolf, spoken]
well, that’s because i’m very poor, darling

[liesl, spoken]
and you live with your mother

[rolf, spoken]
wow, she’s got a list. look, you’re only as old as you feel

liesl, do you know what statutory means?

[liesl, spoken]
umm… no

[rolf, spoken]
it means i looked it up and we are on the right side of the cusp

[liesl, spoken]
i don’t know, rolf. it’s a pretty big age difference and, i don’t want to say this, but there’s rumors that you’re maybe a n*z*, maybe…

[rolf, spoken]
focus on the age stuff

[liesl, spoken]
well, i don’t know if i can trust you
[rolf]
don’t be dramatic
it’s not a great look
trust me i know what guys like

[liesl]
but i am sixteen

[rolf]
and i am thirty*eight
i’ve had some birthdays since we started talking

[liesl, spoken]
what? thirty*eight? i thought you said you were thirty*three

[rolf, spoken]
oh, let me explain

[rolf]
i am thirty*three
next month i’ll be thirty*nine
baby, i’m forty*one

[liesl, spoken]
rolf!
[rolf, spoken]
liesl! i know you’re freaked out but this is austria nineteen*thirty*bad. in a few months this will be the least of your worries

[liesl, spoken]
you keep saying stuff like that

[rolf, spoken]
can i help it that i’m attracted to you? you’re so mature and sophisticated

[liesl, spoken]
really? you think i seem older?

[rolf, spoken]
yes. what with the complaining and those hefty naturals, honestly, when i first came to the house i thought you were the mom

[liesl, spoken]
oh, i don’t know. you’re a geriatric telegram boy and i’m rich and good with puppets, so you do the math

[rolf, spoken]
i know i’m not perfect, but i’ve talked to mother and i’m moving out

[liesl, spoken]
really? you bought a house?

[rolf, spoken]
no, i rented, with roommates

[rolf]
fritz and hans
and kevin and gerbils
and four other guys named hans

[liesl, spoken]
that’s a lot of n*z*s, but i still don’t know how i feel about dating an older guy

[rolf, spoken]
oh, liesl. age is just a number that the government keeps track of. for example:

[rolf]
i am forty*six

[liesl]
that’s older than my father

[rolf]
d*mn, how s*xy is that

[liesl]
i do like attention
and not to mention
my brain’s
not totally formed

[rolf, spoken]
oh, liesl. i like that so much

[maria, spoken]
that’s he!

[g*ylord von trapp, spoken]
stop it at once!

[liesl, spoken]
papa!

[rolf, spoken]
oh, h*llo, g*ylord

[von trapp, spoken]
oh, shut up!

[rolf, spoken]
but that’s your name, isn’t it? g*ylord von trapp

[von trapp, spoken]
yeah, but you know what you’re doing

[maria, spoken]
oh, just arrest the perv!

[von trapp, spoken]
hey, how old are you, by the way?

[maria]
i’m old enough, but it’s still kinda dicey

[von trapp]
layee odl, layee odl layee*mhmmm

- saturday night live lyrics

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