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the song in every musical that no one likes - sarah smallwood parsons lyrics

this is the song in every show
that no one likes because it’s boring
a song like sentimental man or mr. cellophane or*
look, that woman’s almost snoring
i’m usually an older man
who wears suspenders and is lonely
my range is limited and so
the next three minutes will pass
slowly
so if you have the tiniest suspicion
that you should have peed when it was intermission
now is the time, you won’t miss much
oh wait, here comes my
sort of high note!
this is the song that no one likes

[spoken]
leading lady! wait! listen leading lady. i know i may just be a father or, uh, a husband, or a mayor or something, i don’t know. but the important thing is i… am not important. i’m just an old broadway legend who wanted a role where i got to sing but i also got to sit down a lot. that’s why five people clapped so loud when i walked out

[sung]
this is the song where you can cough
so everybody get your coughs out!
or you can whisper
“what’s the time?”
“where are we eating after this?”
“maybe we should just do take out.”
is this song even on the sound track?
not sure, you skip it every time
i’m sure they’d cut
but the leads are backstage changing and they
need a lot of time
[spoken]
i’m also a veteran

[sung]
and sure, we all get claps at curtain call
but once you leave, you won’t remember me at all
and at the stage door, i’ll arrive
and you may ask me for a photo
but you’ll mean you want me to hold the phone

[spoken]
leading lady, wait! i want to give this to you. it’s the pocket watch i mentioned so briefly in the first scene. it’s not a metaphor or an allegory or anything, i just really don’t want to carry it around anymore. oh, by the way, do you want to see my tap dance?

[dances briefly]

that’s literally the whole thing

[sung]
they say you can’t enjoy the highs of life
without the lows
but j*****
this song blows

[spoken]
well, i’m not in the rest of the show, so i’m gonna go beat the traffic

- sarah smallwood parsons lyrics

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