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the ballad of stan womble and mrs tuppens - sammy j & randy lyrics

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normal: sammy j | italics: randy |

[intro]
dance!

[verse 1]
stan womble owns a christmas tree farm
in wantirna selling christmas trees
he plows the paddocks, plants the crops
and charges very reasonable fees

and in december, everybody calls him up
and wants to be his friend
barbecue’s and christenings
and gift baskets and best wishes they send

and while he thanks them graciously
he knows that no one genuinely cares
‘cuz they just want a discount
on the christmas trees he lovingly prepares

[pre*chorus]

[chorus 1]

sitting by the phone
(january through november)
spends his weekends on his own
(january through november)
his only friends are loneliness and loss

[verse 2]
mrs. tuppens runs and shop
called ‘mrs. tuppens christmastime supplies
she stocks her shelves with tinsels, bubbles
stockings, hats, and tasty christmas pies

and in the last month of the year
her shop is full of christmas cheer
with lots of people purchasing her wares

but mrs. tuppens knows it’s only temporary
and n0body cares…

[chorus 2]

it gets harder everyday
(january through november)
since mr. tuppens passed away
(january through november)
she has to do the books alone
and accounting’s not her strong point

[verse 3]
stan womble has to subsidize
his meager christmas income with odd jobs
(reading… clipping… mowing…)
since mr. tuppens died
the garden’s overrun with weeds and bugs and frogs

(*horselaugh*)
the hyenas are in…

he puts the notice in the milk bar window
saying “gardener for hire”
(reading… clipping… mowing…)
whilst buying milk and tampons
mrs. tuppens sees the number to inquire

they meet in the afternoon (stan womble)
he takes off his shirt to groom her garden
she watches from the window…
…and she brings him…
…a lemonade

[verse 4]
stan womble spins around and says
“ooh, mrs. tuppens, look what i found
it’s a rose and i picked it for you.”
she says, “my husband died.”
he says, “mine did, too.”

he takes her hand
she looks away
he says, “anything else you need doing today?”
she says, “i got a bush you can plow!”

“it’s in the backyard…”
“…and i’ve also got a

“mrs. tuppens, i wanna take you on a date.”
“stan womble, i can hardly wait!”
“when are you free?”
“well, let me see. i think i’m free…”

[chorus 3]

they got married soon
(yeah, january through november)
and when her tax was due in june
(ah, january through november)
stan said, “leave your tax to me.”

[outro]
thanks, dude’s
good on ya, champs

- sammy j randy lyrics

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